My husband told me he felt bad. Maybe he has said it before, I mean, I’m sure that he has said it before. It meant more this time, but I don’t know why. I told him that I didn’t want him to feel bad anymore. There is no need. It’s all so far into the past that there is no reason to beat himself up … Continue reading Phantoms and echoes
I’m a huge music lover, almost every genre. I’ve listened to thousands of songs over my life. And I have never had an album reach so far down into the depths of my soul and pull out all of my buried emotions finding the perfect words to bring them back to life. I have had a favorite album for the last 10 years, and this … Continue reading tortured
There is nothing like a little rest and relaxation to jump start your entire life. And sometimes it’s sitting with the person you love in silence that is the most powerful. My husband and I recently returned from a nice long vacation. We had discussed before we even left that we couldn’t wait for all the great discussions we were going to have with each … Continue reading Bridges and silence
I still send my husband photos of Bobbie, if there are any available and she’s alone in them. It helps him to get to see her that way. I actually helped him put all the pictures I send him into a hidden album on his phone so that nobody else would accidentally see them. I find this kind of funny, because it’s a secret album … Continue reading Turning points
Every March I think about three things: I remember all of those past months of March very specifically tied to those three things. I remember sitting in that English class and enjoying that Shakespeare lesson and the whole class laughing when the teacher said her phrase. It was my sophomore year of high school. The world was in the palm of my hand back then. … Continue reading March
Lately my husband has been so busy at work. And he’s been pretty stressed. He’s been living for the weekends, but even those are somewhat stressed because of the remnants of work. A few nights ago, after we went up to bed, he seemed particularly worn down and restless. So I asked him what was wrong. He answered with his old standby-nothing. Now, when my … Continue reading Missing person
There was a time when I thought that my husband would never share a single thing with me about Bobbie. He said that he would not, and his lack of talking about her at all told me that he would not. But that was a long time ago. In the here and now my husband has told me everything that he can remember about his … Continue reading Finding Peace
Back in 2008 our old washer died. My husband had repaired it multiple times over its lifespan and we decided to buy a new set of washer/dryer. Front loaders had recently made their debut onto the scene and we decided to buy a set of those. As a mom to many children, having a new washer and dryer with large capacity made me pretty happy. … Continue reading Lessons from my dryer
Today, back in 2013, I saw a picture of my husband and Bobbie at an early morning event together. I knew he was going to the event. He failed to mention to me that she was also going to the event. As luck would have it pictures were taken at the event and I saw the picture of them there together later that day. I … Continue reading More January
January is just one of those months that I think about the affair randomly and unexpectedly without much notice. Sometimes I try to tell myself not to think about it, sometimes I think maybe I should purposely think about it so it will go away, but nothing usually works. January is the month of nothing for most people. It’s the month of remembering for me. … Continue reading January
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