healing after an affair
My mom told me that she feels mad at my dad. A normal response in the grieving process. That conversation triggered a conversation I had with my husband a long time ago. I told him that I felt like someone had died, and that someone was him. And, in truth, the him I know was missing for quite a while. If you consider anger for … Continue reading Anger, Grief, and Love
My husband and I had an unscheduled talk last night. Truthfully, we haven’t had a scheduled talk in a while. It was me who instigated this discussion. I needed to talk about things, the affair, his lack of discussion about the affair, the usual. He was receptive and understanding. And that drives me crazy. You’re probably wondering why this drives me crazy. You see, this … Continue reading I had a bad day
This has been a rough few days for my family. On Saturday my dad had a heart attack. Luckily, it was a mild one, but he had to go through two heart caths before stents were put in. Back in 2003 my grandmother, his mother, died during a heart cath. He was very nervous and upset about having the procedure. The rest of us had … Continue reading Perspective
My husband took off work on Monday and we spent the day together. We had planned this and it was something that I was looking forward to doing. But, as long car rides often do, my mind wanders, especially when certain songs come on the radio. I’ve asked him before if the same thing happens to him, if he ever found himself thinking about her. … Continue reading I am writing these for you
My last few posts about the other woman have been a bit eye-opening to me. Sometimes it’s very hard to see how far you have really come in a bad situation. Today, I can see how far I have really come down the infidelity road. The other woman was someone I hated and that hatred consumed my every waking thought, and likely a few of … Continue reading Evolution
I can remember laying in bed next to my husband thinking things would never be the same again. I remember that feeling of hopelessness and how my chest felt heavy. He had turned into somebody that I did not recognize. And I remember laying there and thinking about our kids and wondering how in the world I was going to shield them from all of … Continue reading Gifts
It’s hard to believe it’s been almost five years since I found out what I didn’t want to find out. It was numbing and unthinkable and inconceivable. I didn’t think it was real for the longest time. Then I went into FBI mode and managed to accomplish what a lot of professional people couldn’t. I was able to record their conversations, when they were alone … Continue reading Five Years, three years, a lifetime
I can’t believe we are this far into the new year already. Time does fly. One of my younger sons opened up to me yesterday about how scared he was when we were fighting and asked me if everything was perfect again. Perfect…that word kind of stings. While I have always conceded there is no such thing as perfect, I always thought things were perfect … Continue reading New Year
I don’t know why, but I’m tired. Just tired of the whole thing, the whole process. I’m worn down today. I know that I am not worn down for good, or for even longer than today. Today, I’m exhausted. I don’t have a reason to feel this way, I suppose. It’s just one of my down days. And these days creep up on me, surprising … Continue reading Days like today
See this turtle: This turtle showed up at my house today. My friend was picking me up and she almost ran over him. We picked him up and moved him to the grass. Four hours later when we returned back to my house the turtle had crawled back onto the driveway. We almost ran over him again. No big deal, right? Wrong. This is a … Continue reading Steve, the turtle, returns to my bizarro world
