We are told from the time we are small not to stare at the sun, that we will go blind. Despite those warnings we are all tempted, at the very least, to risk going blind, just to get a small look at the sun. We do the same in our life experiences. We know that it will not be good to look, but sometimes you … Continue reading Staring at the sun
I have started and erased this page three times now. I keep changing my mind about what I want to say or how I want to say it. Things are going well here. Maybe that’s the problem. Another problem is that I don’t share everything, even here. I don’t even share those deep parts of my mind with him. Seems kind of deceitful, doesn’t … Continue reading Closure, where are you?
I had been wanting to see this movie called Wild for a while. So, we bought it and watched it on Friday night. I thought it was going to be a movie about me, about a girl's struggles with her life and her marriage. As it turns out, it was more a story about her, a woman who slept around habitually and ruined her marriage. … Continue reading Wild
I'm struggling with the anger. Some days I can ignore it, trudge on, make the incredible disgrace of it all disappear as if it never happened. And then there's days like yesterday. Days that bring you to your knees with the cold, harsh reality of what really happens to your child's mind when there's an affair. I wanted to believe that my youngest were spared … Continue reading Children and affairs
I have a list of things I want to say to the OW, but probably won't. But, the title there above is a big one. Her smug and callous bragging that she screwed my husband on the sheets he bought her still makes my blood boil. But, at the same time I want to throw it back at her. After all, those sheets will never … Continue reading How are those sheets working out for you now?
Today is my anniversary. To all of you reading this, you know all of the emotions and expectations and joy and sadness that anniversaries can bring. After an affair your senses are in overdrive. You, without thinking, expect more, the over-the-top, as if some fabulous anniversary of surprises and romance can wipe away the pain of betrayal. We know that it won't, but we want … Continue reading Anniversary
For some unknown reason, that maybe only the rest of you could possibly understand, I have found myself creeping on the OW's blog. She hasn't updated it in months, and I know this. So why do I keep looking? No idea. But, if you have the answer, please share. I keep asking myself why I even care. But, for some reason I do. We both … Continue reading What is wrong with me?
When dealing with affairs we typically see the emotional effects. All of the invisible pain that everybody in the family feels. But, as I'm sure we have all experienced, there is also damage to the physical aspects of your life. For us, it's been closets. From the moment I found out my mind and body shut down. My huge house and my huge family got … Continue reading Damage unseen
In a few months it will be a year since this blog completely changed my life….again. It seems a bit unreal that so much has happened in the last year and the last four years. In weeks it will the four-year anniversary of finding out the impossible had happened. To this day I look at my husband and think there's no way this man would … Continue reading What a difference a year makes
I was Cinderella. I thought for sure I was Cinderella. I had found my prince, and that surely made me a princess? Wasn't I? I find Cinderella a fitting name for me through the whole affair, before, during and after. I have found I can relate to this princess. I had my Prince Charming. My garments were glittery ball gowns of self-esteem, pride, and happiness. … Continue reading Fairy Tales