Time

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  The craziness is winding down.  But, as my husband and I discovered lately, a lot of stress comes from so many people who can’t seem to survive without us.  They are all people we love and want to help, and maybe one-at-a-time it wouldn’t be so bad, but it’s truly overwhelming when daily you have so many hands grasping for your time.

Before my husband fell asleep tonight he told me he loved me.  I jokingly said that I was glad someone did.  He responded by saying that he really did and that if we had to go through all of this he was glad he was going through it with me.  Daily, maybe hourly, I’m thankful that this man has returned to me.  And in moments like that I can’t believe he ever wasn’t there fully.  I wonder if maybe I dreamed the whole thing, knowing full well that none of it was a dream.  But, I can honestly say I am so happy right now.

In a week and a half we will be heading to our lake house.  Peace is literally so close.  Last year I worked on my feelings while there.  I worked on my feelings toward him and my feelings toward her.  I hashed out so many things in my head on solo hikes and days spent reading the book Wild.  Nature became my therapist in so many ways.  I let go of a lot of resentment and a lot of anxiety.  I let a lot of things go last summer.  I let the weight that I had been carrying go.  Most of it anyway.

Regardless, our time will be ours again.  We will be far removed from chaos and hands trying to steal our time.  This is time we both need desperately.  I will also use the time to work on my loose ends and to breathe, mostly breathe.

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