Dream On

I had a dream about the OW last night.  It’s been a long time since I’ve dreamed about her.  I think it stems from a Raymond episode my husband and I were watching a few nights ago.  It’s the one where Stefania and Amy came together to discuss Robert after he broke up with Stefania.  I couldn’t help but to put Bobbie and myself in Stefania and Amy’s place.

It used to bother me to dream about Bobbie.  Let’s face it, dreaming about the OW is not ideal and you never know what that dream will entail.  And I’ve ranged from fairly normal dreams to over-the-top dreams about her.  I imagine the content directly stemmed from my mental state-of-mind at the time.

This dream left me wanting more though.  My husband was in the dream, but not really directly, just sort of there in the background.  Although there was some slight interaction between Bobbie and him in the dream, it was more of an uncomfortable awkwardness between them.  The dream nearly mostly consisted of Bobbie and I talking to each other only.  I have actually had two conversations with Bobbie regarding this affair.  One occurred days after I discovered they were having an affair.  And the other occurred about half-way into the affair.  The first conversation was mostly a conversation with myself.  She was defensive and indignant, walls were up.  My husband told me later that she told him she never wanted to be put through that again.  I will give her kudos though for having the conversation, though I would call it anything but productive.  I was led to believe at this point by my husband that the affair was over and obviously it wasn’t.  The second conversation was actually great.  And it was the one time that I can say she acted like an adult and had an adult conversation with me.  And despite the circumstances we were both very respectful of each other and I felt like we listened to each other.  I’m not sure that we accomplished much more than just listening, but maybe that was enough.  We validated each other’s feelings.  There was nothing earth-shattering about it, but I guess I will say it felt good to have that conversation.

In my dream last night the conversation was probably how I have envisioned that conversation a million times.  I haven’t seen Bobbie or talked to her in years.  So, in my mind, the conversation always starts out a little awkward.  I don’t know why, but I feel like that we would ease back into conversation fairly easily.  I just feel like we know too much about each other and have been through so much in this whole ordeal that the words would eventually come pretty easy.  Even though I haven’t seen her for years, parts of me feel like I just saw her yesterday.

I’m not surprised at all that I would dream this.  Talking to Bobbie has been on my mind so much lately that it has been consuming most of my thoughts.  It’s actually been keeping me awake at night.  And the big problem with that is, there’s not a soul I can talk to about this, except here in this blog.  Most people would think I was crazy for giving her a second thought, regardless of the reason.  And it seems to be a cyclic thing.  I usually get past this “needing” to talk to her and move on and don’t think about it again for months.

Have any of you had a conversation with the OW and how did it go?

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8 thoughts on “Dream On

  1. I might be completely wrong but I think you have never been able to understand why a man you loved and trusted could do what he did. I think you focus on her because you can’t focus on him.
    Are you in therapy? I imagine there is still a lot of unresolved anger that you need help getting past…….anger at him. She is meaningless. She would not have done what she did without him.

    1. She would have done what she did without him. She was having an affair with another married man at the exact same time as she was my husband. My husband and the other husband were just notches in her belt. If it wouldn’t have been him it would have been someone else. And my husband and I have already focused on each other Neither of us have any unresolved anger toward each other, or her for that matter. Anger towards her would only hurt me more. I have spent very little time actually angry at Bobbie. Like I said, she sleeps around, who it’s with is irrelevant. My husband has made amends for his mistakes and completely owns up to them. Things happen in life. People are human and make mistakes. And healing requires that we understand that as a whole. I don’t want to talk to Bobbie to shame her or yell at her or make her feel bad about something that happened a long time ago. That’s not what it’s about for me.

  2. You really need to let this go. You don’t need Bobbi to explain anything. You know who she is. She doesn’t care who anyone else is. The only thing to do is to really, REALLY understand that she doesn’t factor into anything to do with you anymore. Whatever solution or peace or answers you’re looking for will not come from her or anything to do with her.

    1. I think you have misunderstood why I would like to speak to her. I’m actually perfectly at peace. And I’m not sure any answers she would provide, even if I did ask, would not really be valid to me. I would like to speak to her, but not for answers or to attain some sort of peace, or because I have unresolved anger issues.

      1. It doesn’t.matter.why you want to speak with her. You shouldn’t.

        You are as a moth to the flame. That’s a BAD THING. You’re going to be burned.

        Whatever you think you can tell her isn’t your place to tell her. She doesn’t care. You are no one to her. That you would seek her out to speak with her shows HER how central she STILL IS to you.

        STOP it. This is ridiculous.

      2. You’re taking this way too seriously first of all. Secondly, you have no idea if it would be a good thing or a bad thing. You don’t know me or Bobbie in order to form any sort of opinion either way about the matter. You are only making assumptions in a very general sort of way about any two women who are involved in an affair. And it’s very closed-minded to believe that things couldn’t be made better by going against the grain and having a conversation with someone in this situation.

      3. Bobbie is a self-interested woman without a conscience.

        You are not.

        Whatever productive conversation you think you’re going to have isn’t going to happen. It’s very simple.

        I open far too many of your posts with focus on her for you to be in a healthy place where she is concerned.

        Things cannot be made better by having anything to do with her. You don’t need her and you don’t need to hear what she might have to say. You almost seem addicted to her… you can stuff it away for a while but it comes back up and is raging hot.

        Let it go. :/ She’s not worth this. She has nothing of real value. Move on in a different way.

  3. I have talked with the husband of the OW but it didn’t help anything. I’d suggest letting it go. You are likely still hoping for explanations or answers you may never get and she really can’t offer anything to you in any other capacity. It’s a toxic relationship you do not want to get involved in, I’m sure. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. It’s hard.

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