I’m not looking for a fairytale

The last few day have been a whirlwind, even though I’ve been dying to come here and write.  You know, it’s amazing to me how things have just fallen into place.  Sometimes I just can’t even fathom it all or believe it all.  I have moments of disbelief about the past and the present, but in different ways.

My husband is a very private person.  It’s one of the reasons I was dumbfounded about him having an affair.  He doesn’t share with just anyone.  And although from what I’ve been able to tell, he shared with her, but not everything.  He still shared outside of this relationship.  I would describe my husband as a closet-romantic.  When it’s just me and him he’s fairly romantic.  In our years together he has written my notes and even letters. But, two days ago he sent me a music video.  This video:


It’s amazing how a song can translate what you feel and who you are.  My husband and I have never been “fairytale” lovers.  We have never been into believing we were more than we really were.  He had told me once that “she wanted the fairytale”.  I have never been that naive.  And typically people who are searching for the fairytale just end up living their life always unhappy and always searching for something that doesn’t exist.  My husband is not perfect and neither am I.  But, we are perfect for each other.  It’s the only reason we survived the affair.  95 percent of our life together does not involve romance.  It mostly involves kids and responsibilities.  And we appreciate the 5 percent that does involve romance.  That is what’s real.  That is what makes up the majority of people’s relationships.  And a good many of those people end up unhappy because they believe they are missing something, that’s there’s something more out there.  I suppose that’s why people have affairs.  Affairs have romance 95 percent of the time with the lack of responsibility.  That’s the allure.  A heady feeling with no responsibility to the party.

I have played this song on repeat for the last two days.  Such a deep meaning for me.  And an incredible gift from my husband, the unexpected.



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