The Entire History of You

My husband and I started watching the Netflix show Black Mirror several months ago.  After we got past the initial shock of the first episode we finally watched episode two about a month ago.  It definitely did not have the shock value of the first episode.  So, we decided we would keep watching when time permitted.  It’s spring, so time rarely permits around here, especially with the new house.  But, Mother’s Day evening we finally found ourselves with some free time and decided to watch episode three.

Let me preface by saying that dramas and sitcoms about affairs come up on TV.  At first I had a difficult time adjusting to seeing them on the screen and knowing that they actually apply to us.  In the past those shows would have meant nothing, barely noticeable.  For some reason, I was completely undone by episode three of Black Mirror, entitled The Entire History of You.  I think we both were in our own way.  I, to the point of shaking.

The premise was that you can record every aspect of your life and replay it whenever you want.  In the beginning it was just an interview that the guy kept replaying, trying to decipher the nuances in language and eye-contact to determine if he might have gotten the position.  But, quickly, the show escalated into the guy’s suspicion that his wife was interested in someone else.  And then escalated further into discovering that she had, in fact, had an affair.  And, like any over-thinker would do, he forced her to replay the memory for him.

They never showed the lovemaking on-screen, only the sounds.  Somehow that made it worse, it could have been the sex sounds of any two people, including my husband and Bobbie.  At least that’s the way I heard it.  I felt my heart stop and then beat incredibly fast and loud, and I wondered if he could hear my beating heart pounding in my chest.  Likewise, he shifted his body in the way he always does when he’s nervous.  Both of us were unnerved by the whole thing.

In the end, the man removed his memory track, losing it all, the birth of his child, and any other happy memory that he might have had, but also lost the pain of his wife having sex with another man.  Honestly, I can recall many times wishing I could just erase it all from my head and wondering if I would be willing to give up all the happy memories that were contained in there during the same time period.

It’s funny, the entire history of me is 99 percent great, and 1 percent terrible.  So why do I keep focusing on that 1 percent?  I don’t know.  I don’t even know if I would erase that 1 percent if  I could.  I don’t know a lot of things.  But, I have learned a lot of things.  I guess that’s something.

Would you erase your history to get rid of the affair?  Would you erase just the affair from your memory?



2 thoughts on “The Entire History of You

  1. That episode messed me up. But I couldn’t blame him. That child wasn’t even his. I guess people deal with pain differently. He chose to forget everything in order to “deal with it”

    Everything that happens in our life is a lesson and a chance to learn and grow, even if it is painful. I choose to keep all of my painful memories, because it made me stronger.

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