Who we are right now

Who we are as a couple as certainly changed over the years.  Last night my husband and I were laughing about the fact our lives for the past 10 years look like a Richter scale during an earthquake.  I told him it reminded me of the time we got on a roller coaster and it started storming.  The rain pummeling us as we were traveling at 80 miles an hour down some pretty steep hills, with the added lightning strike at the top and then the applause as we pulled back into the station is pretty much the epitome of us.  But, as my husband reminded me, that’s the roller coaster ride we remember the most.

Although I’m not too sure that I want to remember some of the roller coaster rides of our life, I suppose they are rides that have made us who we are today.  Sometimes I ask myself if I think we are better today than we were yesterday and if the affair had anything to do with that fact.  I think that we would be better with or without the affair.  And we have both come to realize there was nothing wrong with us before.  This affair happened just because it did.  And although Bobbie manipulated my husband into believing that his marriage wasn’t what she thought it should be (which is kind of funny, given that she really doesn’t have a good track record for marriages), he realized that there was nothing wrong with us at all.  And those are his words.

I think that many times affairs happen because marriage is a life of ups and downs.  And many times the intruders just happen in at the right time when you’re in a down. And then they do what they do best, they manipulate the situation and when your guard is down you start believing things that aren’t true and seeing things that aren’t there.  That’s why it is so important to not let your guard down.

If you examine your marriage and who you are at the moment, as the moments change your perception of the marriage changes.  And that’s because marriages aren’t perfect by any means.  They’re actually kind of messy, boring, fabulous, trying, and exciting, but never on the same day.  It’s probably why the vow for better or worse exists.  People tend to forget about the worse part, but worse exists just as much as better sometimes.  And sometimes it is mostly better.  But, it’s also filled with worse sometimes.  And sometimes it’s neither better or worse, but day-to-day.  That is a normal marriage.

My husband and I have had a lot of better lately.  But, there are days of worse.  And it’s all perfectly okay.  And both of us know that worse doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong, but that everything is right.  The real fairy tales involve a marriage of unconditional love that last through the good and the bad and that can overcome the days of worse because of all that love.

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