Learning to Walk

I feel like for the past few years my husband and I have been running.  We are running a bunch of kids, running work, running the house, running our families, and both running away from each other and then back to each other.  We probably have run the equivalent of several marathons.  Maybe I should have prefaced this paragraph with I hate running.

One thing that is different about my life compared to my husband’s is the speed of my life.  He is likely mostly running.  Because I’m a stay-at-home mom, it seems like everything is quiet and then it’s run full speed ahead once the kids get home from school.  We have a lot going on.  And, depending on what time of the year it is, my husband comes home to run some more, instead of hitting up the recliner.  We are runners.

As our kids grow up, we are thinking about slowing down.  We are looking forward to slowing down.  And in our marriage, we are thinking about slowing down as well.  With all of the drama of the past few years came a lot of “running”.  And sometimes I still feel like we are stuck in the running mode.  We are eager to impress each other, eager to be so understanding, eager to compromise.  It’s exhausting.  And it’s fake.  It’s not who we really are.  It’s us taking raw emotions and trying to keep them covered with band-aids.  It’s time to take off the band-aids.  The only problem is we have been running for so long that neither of us remember how to walk.  And we certainly don’t know how to handle those scars lurking under the bandages.

We are a work in progress.  And now we need to learn how to walk again.  We need to learn to be us again.  Sometimes we wonder where are those people that we fell in love with so long ago.  But, we are still here.  But, when life is going past at a blur sometimes it’s hard to focus. And walking hand-in-hand we have started the process of slowing “us” down.  Our lives are still pretty fast-paced though.  But, when it’s just us, we are taking the time to learn who each other is again.  We are laughing more and loving more.  We are learning again how to come together like when we first met, only this time, we are being more deliberate.  We are coming together grownup style. When we were young our immense physical attraction to each other was very overwhelming.  And it caused us to run pretty fast, letting everything else become a blur.

Any time you slow down and take notice of the things that were once blurry you’re making progress.  And now that we have taken the time to see things a little more clearly, we see things more clearly.  And we are actively working on the things that weren’t quite right and strengthening the parts of who we are that created our strong root system that kept us together.

We started walking.  And we have already learned some pretty important things.  1. The things we thought were in our way on our path were just part of the path.  2. Don’t stop walking.

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