Putting her to rest and blank pages

I have been thinking about myself today.  What I need and what I don’t need.  I considered all of the evidence in front of me regarding her and my next move.  Part of me wants to put her behind me cold turkey and hopefully move forward hand-in-hand with my husband, heads held high.  Part of me wants to engage in that conversation with Bobbie so that I for sure can move on.  It’s all an unknown.

I’ve considered the evidence in front of me.  She is still making her presence known in a very subtle way.  But, I think it’s her way of making me think she is genuinely interested in making contact, when in reality she isn’t.  We are both kept apart and connected by the same stretch of road.  And her stretch of road has road blocks galore, despite some obvious ways to make contact.  So, I have come to the conclusion that contact will not happen.  So, I have decided that until something changes on her end, I will be putting my hopes of a conversation to rest.

Now, how do I feel about this?  Unsure.  But, it feels good to have made a decision about it for sure.

My next decision is the direction of this blog.  I feel like my blog is so different from every other blog out there about affairs.  My blog, in itself, took on a whole new direction on its own with the knowledge of another wife.  I realize everybody doesn’t get that same miracle.  Sometimes I even feel guilty posting about my happiness when so many others are in the middle of the struggling with no miracle to speed things along.  And I never know if I should go back to that point and fill in the gaps or only write about what’s going on in the present or the possible future.

So, here I am, ready to start something new with myself and my writing.  The slate is blank and I am ready to move forward.

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One thought on “Putting her to rest and blank pages

  1. What do you want from her? An explanation of why she did it? Because she wanted to. People who are that charming to those they stab in the back should be left alone. Think about it. What kind of personality puts all that “cute” information about themselves on the internet? What kind of person keeps two men tied up emotionally while pretending to be a friend of the wives. You are obsessing about a person who has manipulated you, your husband, another couple and her ex husband. You need to accept that you were hurt doubly. Let yourself off the hook for good. Be kind to yourself. You have only so much time on this earth. You should not waste another minute of it thinking about her. She and your husband robbed you of your emotional safety. If he has worked to give it back then take it and bury the rest. Nothing is going to change the past. Nothing. Just be sure to be as good to yourself as you were to her. You deserve it, she doesn’t.

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