I have told you all before that I think the universe is haunting me regarding her. “Things” just keep happening regarding her. It’s almost daily now. Some of them are explainable, sure. Some of them just aren’t. I had no intention of blogging today at all. In fact, I wasn’t even going to log in, but I had accidentally left the site up on my computer, so I was on to get some messages…I logged out after, with no intention of coming back, to give myself a break. And then, the universe stepped in and gave me something to blog about. I had come to peace today about walking away from her and everything to do with her. I took her in one last time and was ready to just skate away into bliss. But, the universe had different plans.
If you remove the affair from the equation, when I think of Bobbie there are a few things that come to mind….her dad, shopping, shoes, turtles, country music, Jimmy Buffet, and Randy Travis, most especially Randy Travis. She loves him and he is her idol, and has been since childhood. In the last 15 days, three friends, not mutual to each other, have posted his video “Forever, and Ever, Amen”. Okay, I know….weird, but not necessarily the universe pining for attention. I skip every Randy Travis song on my phone when it comes up. So does he.
Then today happened. I can honestly say I have never been so tempted to text someone as I was today. One of my FB friends posted today that Randy Travis had been in a town south of me for TWO DAYS and had eaten at a restaurant there. He was literally in our neck of the woods, which is saying something, believe me. She would have wanted to know he was right there. And right there for TWO DAYS. And I so wanted to tell her. I picked up my phone….and then put it down. I knew I couldn’t do that. But, I have never been so tempted in my life. Perhaps she had found out anyway. Maybe someone else told her. And while you’re wondering why I would want to tell her of all people, you’re missing the point. The point is that Randy Travis showed up at all! Not just on my newsfeed, but nearby!
I realized all of this before we left for practice tonight. I screenshot everything…once again I had to look that procedure up and should probably write that down……and left. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to write about this or talk about this, or even be near my computer for hours and hours.
I was on my phone though. And while perusing Pinterest this came up:
Okay….I concede. It is not going away. Therefore I have to assume that there’s something left…some tidbit that I must address. Obviously, if I follow the clues, it’s her I must address. I’ll be honest here. I have no idea how to do that. And I have even less of an idea what she is thinking. I have zero information regarding her, and haven’t for a very long time. All of the things I used to know about her have faded into the years of absence.
Last week there was a fatal car accident at the interchange where she works. It was around 6:00. I sort of panicked there…what if it was her? I tried of find out what happened and the cars involved. At first they said it was a blue van or SUV…she has a small blue SUV. But, then I realized, that was a long time ago. It was doubtful she still had the same car. I later found out it was a blue van in the accident. It wasn’t her. I felt relief about that. And I realized how far removed from her I really am. Neither of us are the same people. We have changed and the things that related us to each other have changed.
Meanwhile, I feel like I’m sitting in a waiting room waiting for my name to be called, but I have no idea why.