I have been considering closing shop on this blog.  Maybe it’s not helping me any longer?  Maybe it’s actually holding me back.  I’m coming here more often than ever to write, but at the same time I feel like maybe I could come to full healing if I stopped writing and stopped thinking about the whole thing.  After all, it has been over three years since I found out.  If you asked my husband he would say we are great.  I am the hold up and I have to ask myself why I’m the hold up.

As more and more days pass without Bobbie…..I have only been to her blog once in the last few weeks, she hasn’t been to mine for a few days……I have had moments of weakness and I have had moments of feeling quite lost.  And maybe that’s why I’ve been writing more and more, it keeps me away from her.  Instead of traveling over to her blog, I travel over to this one and write down how I’m feeling.  I have nearly accepted the fact that a conversation with her will not happen, at least not now.  Maybe ten years from now I’ll run into her and we both will embrace that conversation.  ( I actually can see that happening in my mind’s eye )

I have learned through this experience that our souls have different ideas than our heads or our hearts.  I’ve learned that things are not black and white ever.  And, I’ve learned to try to appreciate the grey areas.  I’ve learned to forgive and I’ve learned to feel empathy for someone I probably shouldn’t.  I’ve learned to look at things from other perspectives than my own.

At this moment I have no idea what to do next, keep writing, stop writing, start a whole new blog?  Unknown.  I hate unknown.   Your thoughts?



13 thoughts on “Unknown

  1. For what its worth I think if you feel the need to keep writing about whatever the fuck you want to write about then you should keep your blog open. It’s your safe place where you can go to write how exactly you are feeling. At some point your feelings of needing to write will lessen and then you will find yourself coming here less and less frequently. Three years, five years, ten years, whenever. If writing is helping you work through this shit, keep writing xx

    1. Thank you! I will definitely not close this blog. I just am wondering which direction I’m going in. Do I keep writing HERE, or do I start a different themed blog regarding the aftermaths. I’m not sure. This is my one safe place where I can be anonymous. But, honestly, there are things I still don’t write about here. Maybe I need to start a journal and keep this blog as well?

  2. The nice thing about blogs is they are yours and they tell a story. They don’t have to be themed in one place of the journey. They can evolve and change with you. Don’t stop writing if you feel the need to still write.

  3. Oh, 2BC, I hope you don’t close your blog. I remember those early early days in my journey. I was desperately reading every blog I could put my hands on and most of them were only the early days of pain…maybe the first year…and I wanted to know after that. I wanted to be able to see that women came through and were whole and okay. You show us that. Your blog is important to me, and I’m not in the early days anymore, and I know it is important to so many.

    Love, love what PW said…maybe that is your unrest…

    Thank you for considering staying and sharing. HUGS.

    1. I know my unrest relates to lack of total transparency. I’m going to have to work on that more than ever I see. I never thought that I would see my relationship healed before I was actually healed. But, that seems to be what has happened. But, I see your point of others wanting to see that healing can and does happen. That is important, I know. And truly this is my safe place. Thank you for your support!

  4. I love your blog and I agree with Secret Keeper; it’s your blog and you can do whatever you want with it. I blog about infidelity and my life as it’s been impacted, but sometimes I post little rants about things, like self check-out lanes. Sometimes I post my old writings. I’ve shared a short story. I’ve even shared recipes. That’s what everyone’s looking for on an infidelity blog, huh? Oh well, it’s mine. I’ll post what I want.

  5. You can tell your Blog anything, it will always listen, and not judge. It’s your self expression and belongs to you. Be honest with it…..Good thoughts to you.

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