Two Black Cadillacs

When I first even had the idea to begin this blog, I knew what the title was going to be before a single word was even typed out on the screen.  The timing for a total of three songs that had come out recently seemed to trumpet this affair over the universe.  The first was by none other than Miranda Lambert.  Her song “This Ain’t Your Mama’s Broken Heart”, fit the OW so well, it was uncanny.  If you don’t believe me, google the words!  The second was by the Band Perry, their title “Better Dig Two”, also seemed to apply to her, as she seemed so hung up on my husband that she couldn’t live without him.  And, believe it or not, and as weird as it seems, there were moments I felt bad for her when I thought she was hopelessly in love with my husband.  And I was angry at my husband for hurting both of us.  Then Carrie Underwood’s song came out.  I assume most of you have already heard it, given the subject matter, but if you haven’t, I suggest you check out “Two Black Cadillacs” below.

Back when this song came out I saw her and I as part of a team we didn’t want to be on, but a team no less.  My husband had betrayed us both and even though we weren’t, in my head we were in this together.  You see, when my husband told me she took pills and that she screamed into the phone, I believed that she was truly upset about losing him.  And I did frantically try to call her back just the same as he had.  He had told me numerous times that he did not lead her to believe that they would be together, but at that point I had my doubts.  She seemed to believe that he would leave me for her.  She believed it so much that she did not pull any punches the day she called me.  The things she said to me did not come from a woman who expected to lose.  So, when I heard the song, and saw the video, I saw her and me as the two black Cadillacs.

 

And, for the longest time after everything happened,  I continued to see her and me this way.  Sometimes in my desperation and suffering I longed to talk to the OW, because I knew she was the one person on this planet who knew exactly what I was going through.  There were moments I had to stop myself from texting her.

And as quickly as I longed to just have a conversation with her, in the next breath I hated her.  I thought she was crazy for trying to kill herself over a man.  I turned that Miranda Lambert song up loud in my car, so loud that my rear view mirror vibrated from the bass of the speakers.  My emotions were flip-flopping and I couldn’t control them.

 

 

 

I remember one specific time that all three songs came on back-to-back in my car.  The Band Perry made me feel sorry for both of us.  Both of us seemingly hung up on this man who to me at that moment, was clearly not worth it.  My head kept telling me that.  My heart was too broken to care.  And as I listened to those three songs, all stirring up different emotions, I realized I was staring at my whole world from somewhere above myself.  Nothing seemed real.

 

 

It was during this time, after her suicide attempt and before the other wife came forward, that both of us were in a state of chaos.  The absolute only thing that was a given was that we were staying together.  He made that clear.  The only problem was I didn’t want to stay, but I knew I had to stay.  I knew I had to protect my children from even the remotest possibility that she would ever have access to them.  My husband and I were strangers.  We were two people living as roommates.  We were normal in front of the children.  We laughed and smiled and pretended.  Alone in our room, we watched our favorite shows, occasionally we had sex, we talked about the kids and schedules.  And we fought.  At this point, he was acting like the proverbial martyr, like he had given up something and I should be thankful.  He never said that, but he didn’t have to say anything.  Things eventually got smoother.  We fought less, but not because we were making amends, it was because we were both apathetic about the whole thing.

And then, as you know, I got my miracle.  Of course, the biggest thing to come out of that was the discovery of her vast extra-curricular activities.  But, it was at the moment that he read the email from the other wife that things literally just changed.  It wasn’t quite like a light switch being turned on, of course, but almost.  And it happened to both of us.  Maybe for me it was exactly like a light switch.  I’m not sure what stopped me from calling her  and saying “HA!”  “I GOT YOU THIS TIME!!!!”.  I felt like I had a brand new lease on life at this moment.  It was like the universe gave me the greatest gift.

As funny as it sounds, one of the things I thought was about the title of this blog and the OW.  We weren’t two black Cadillacs after all.  We were not in anything together.  We were not a team.  It was all an illusion.  She was an illusion.

Ultimately, I kept the title of my blog.  And ultimately, he got over what she did to him and I got over what he did to me.  The only real unfinished business is in regards to me, and getting over what she did to both of us.

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4 thoughts on “Two Black Cadillacs

  1. I think it is a very unique thing to have found a place of empathy for the OW and to have even come to trust her. My experience isn’t exactly the same, but I did reach out to her and I felt very sorry for her. I didn’t know whether to believe her or my husband for a long time. She said things that seemed to fit. And I couldn’t think of why she would lie to me and I could absolutely see why he would. I begged her to give me answers when I thought he was withholding.
    Then, in the end, I realized she isn’t a good person. We aren’t on the same team. She told me she “usually tells the wife just enough to make them crazy and keep them guessing” and I was naive to think she was being honest with me. She was a snitch and she was stupid, but she had enough street smarts to know what to say to try to get in my head and I’m sure she wanted me to leave him so he would come back to her.
    The OW is not our ally. In the aftermath of the discovery of an affair, I think we cling to hope and goodness and it’s one more insult that we don’t need. I know people say I’m crazy for talking to her or “giving her power” but I wanted her side. She was not invited in my marriage before, and once I knew about her I needed to know all of it. Oh, the madness of it all.
    Thanks for explaining the song choice: infidelity is everywhere, isn’t it?

    1. Our experience seems somewhat similar. I do think the times we talked (we had a six hour conversation one day) that she was telling the truth. I mean, she really had no reason to lie at all. I wouldn’t have known half the things I know without the OW telling me herself. My husband told me some, but you know women are much more into details. And I wanted the details. Bobbie definitely at the end told me things she was convinced would push me into leaving him. And maybe for any other woman it might have worked. But, I do not give up easily and I absolutely refused to let it be that easy for either of them. If he wanted to leave, fine, but he was going to have to do it. And he couldn’t. This may sound odd, but his sense of right and wrong is very strong. I’m sure the whole damned thing was a struggle for him. She caught him in her web and he was dumb enough to fall for the bait. I see him struggle with his infidelity every day….more than I do. Ironically, I still want to talk to her again. I would not want my husband to know, but I would invite another six hour conversation. I guess I have questions and I want peace. Is that giving her power? I don’t know. I don’t think it matters. And, yes, infidelity is EVERYWHERE!. UGH!

      1. Oh, I’ve never come across someone who gets this. I had one three hour conversation in person with the OW and one all night text conversation, but then I also emailed her (as me) for months here and as him for a couple of months (with his knowledge and him helping me, so she would believe it was him). I do have questions, and I know what you mean. I broke down once and texted her just before Christmas and asked her what she would do if she ran into him. She said she didn’t know…but that she didn’t have anything to say to him. I asked her if she had questions for him and wanted closure (she makes it like he told her he was getting a divorce and they could be together and he swears that she knew he was married and what it was). She said no, she didn’t want to talk to him. I felt bad for her. I believe some of her truths over his versions. But honestly, they don’t matter. I want to know, but I don’t.
        And I do know what you mean about right and wrong – this is terribly uncharacteristic for my husband. I guess that’s what makes it so hard to accept and prevent.
        But I think in another life I would have liked her and helped her and it makes me both angry and sympathetic that I can see why my husband for trapped and wrapped up in wanting to save her. She is an excellent damsel in distress.
        I have so many things I want to ask you. I fight the urge to message her often. I also want him to tell her what she was – she is convinced they were a real love affair and he didn’t tell her differently. It’s important to me that she doesn’t believe he loved her, ever, and I can’t really explain why. He wants to stay no contact since he broke it off before I even found out (though just telling her he didn’t want to talk to her anymore and not clearly saying he was choosing his wife). I feel like it’s crazy to bring her back in when he hasn’t talked to her (next month is 2 years) and I have made it 8 months. I feel crazy. I didn’t know anyone understood any of this.

      2. I know what you mean about feeling crazy. Sometimes I still feel crazy. And there are so many things I do not write in this blog, despite it being anonymous, because I don’t want to be judged. Bobbie is also an excellent damsel in distress. Way before it was over between them he had said he felt sorry for her. The bizarre thing here is Bobbie and I texted each other for months and months. We went to a concert together and spent the day together (our six hour conversation) in the middle somewhere. I believed they had ended it, but still had feelings for each other. My husband did love her. It used to bother me to say that, but he knows now that the person he loved was just an illusion. But, like you, I still want to talk to her again. I did like her and for some odd reason, I feel like we are connected, whether we want to be or not, despite him. I often wonder if she is experiencing all of the odd things I do about her about me. I honestly feel like I couldn’t eject her from my life even if I wanted to. My husband really knows none of my feelings about this. And I would never tell him. I did tell him about the video showing up on the youtube page, but that’s it. Men are so different. In his mind it’s over and he even said he wants to erase it from his mind and forget it ever happened. I don’t know if that is because that’s just how he deals, or he can’t believe he was an idiot, or he can’t believe she put on such an act. I do believe that Bobbie loved my husband, but I also believe that it was not enough for her. I have no doubt she would have married him if she could, but that’s only because she likes adventure with security. She only left her husband because she believed my husband would leave me for her, or I would leave him and she would get him. But, she likes to be married while she sleeps around for some reason. She needs to know she has someone permanent while she satisfies her addiction. I used to feel sorry for her, but honestly, I don’t anymore. It’s not that I don’t believe that existence is sad, but more I think she is happy with that existence. She told me once that my husband being in her life made her happy and this was while she was still married. I think that lifestyle just makes her happy. I often hope that she will make that move to reach out to me, but she is probably afraid to do that. Maybe she thinks I would tell him or I would turn her down. But, in all honesty, I would talk to her in a heartbeat. It would provide answers to questions and most importantly closure. I don’t hate her. And I do believe if things had been different, she and I would have been friends. You’re not crazy! But, I’m glad you told me how you feel, because I really did honestly believe I was the only one who felt these things too.

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