One thing that the OW and I shared was a love of music, and more often than not the same music. One of those genres was country, something I haven’t been able to return to since her “suicide” attempt. But, as part of my goal of picking up the pieces I have ventured over to those channels on XM lately from my standard channel “The Pulse”. Not that some “songs” don’t show up on that channel, they do. And there’s quite a long list of various titles that the OW projected onto my husband. He’s pretty much a rock kind of guy. But, she did do her best to choose some songs that she thought he should think of her when he heard. Ironically, the songs that do remind him of her are not that becoming of her, like Rush’s Halo Effect. And also Rush’s The Wreckers.
Anyway, while forcing myself to listen to some country music again, I had heard that Miranda Lambert was coming out with a new title. I kind of forgot about it though, even though she is one of the OW’s artists of choice. Well, yesterday, I heard her latest, “Vice”. Now, without a doubt, the OW realizes this song is about her in every way, as it’s about a woman who can’t stop herself from sleeping around. You know, after listening to this song and googling the words, I felt kind of different about things. Clearly, this is likely her addiction. These few lines here:
I’ll wear a town like a leather jacket
When the new wears off, I don’t even pack it
If you need me
I’ll be where my reputation don’t proceed me
I think for her, the “new” wears off whether she wants it to or not. She is addicted to that “new” feeling. Even though the majority of us do love that feeling of it all being brand new, the stories and the moments, she can’t live without them. I also think she can’t live without the sex. I believe for the majority of people who have an affair, that feeling of “new” is the lure more than anything else. Once we’ve been married for a while we know each other’s secrets, we know the stories, it’s all very predictable. And this is where is takes strong people to value this relationship that is settled in and cozy. It takes confidence. And the people who have little self-confidence are the most at risk of cheating on their spouse. They begin to doubt that they are loved if they are not getting the same attention they received when the relationship started. They have no idea how to relax and enjoy the life that they have built. The urge for new starts to creep in.
My husband has always admitted that he doesn’t have a lot of self-confidence. And he admitted to me that she admitted the same to him. If you met her you would think she was very confident, but apparently it’s all an act according to his conversations with her. I have always said that insecurity breeds promiscuity.
I have managed to successfully listen to quite a few tunes, sometimes on repeat, to desensitize myself from the whole thing. Music is hard. It’s the one thing that can catch you off guard and render you broken all over again. I don’t want to be caught off guard any longer.