Yesterday someone clicked on the letter the OW had written my husband that I posted in an earlier blog, The Story Keeps Getting More Unbelievable. So, having not read that letter in a very long time, I read it. The first time I read that letter I was an emotional basket case. I remember calling her immediately to confront her. I find it amusing that at that time she begged me not to leave him, or tell the kids. (she did the same thing when my friend, the other wife, called to confront her) But, reading the letter this time, I felt nothing, except maybe some amusement at the juvenile nature of the letter. I think it’s another thing that people who have affairs have in common, and likely why people frequently call it a mid-life crisis, they almost always resort back to teenage ways. There is giggling and hearts and love letters with lists and pledges of undying love. It’s always the same. With the other wife she was extremely worried about her reputation, since the OW and the other husband were in a group together. I find that also a bit funny, since no matter who either of us told our story to the other person already knew about the OW and her reputation. Nobody was surprised. I wonder if she truly walks around thinking nobody knows about her. Of course, everybody also knows about my husband now, which he is aware of, and is very uncomfortable with. It’s just one of the perils of living in a small town.
The other side of this coin is that everyone also knows what happened to me. Something I am also aware of and learning to be comfortable with. Maybe she is the one better off here walking around ignorant to the fact that practically from edge-to-edge of my state she has a reputation for sleeping around. I would like to ask her if ignorance is truly bliss, because knowing kind of sucks. It is not bliss to be aware. I can tell you that.
I suppose for anyone mid or post affair, the biggest obstacle is just knowing. That one fact changes everything. If the affair had happened and ended and you had no idea, nothing changes for you. Sure, there’s guilt from the guilty party (you hope), but you are sailing along just fine, ignorant-and blissful. Even if everyone is talking behind your back and pointing their fingers, your oblivion is blissful. Everything is living in our heads. If the knowledge of the affair isn’t in your head, it’s business as usual. But, when you know, everything changes. For one, you want to know more than is for your own good. You want to know it all, all of the gory details. You don’t stop thinking about it ever. Every move is analyzed over and over again, down to the last word. You see and hear things that aren’t there. You are not blissful.
So, would you prefer to know or never know?