As promised, I’m going to delve back into the past, both for me and for you. These will likely be not in chronological order, but rather as I remember them. Today when I was cleaning out my nightstand drawer I found a memory or two.
I’ve already given you an in-depth account of the day Bobbie called to say that she was still sleeping with my husband. But, honestly, at the time I wrote that blog, though that part was relatively still fresh in my mind, the days after were a blur. But, today I found something that reminded me of the following days.
He pretty much had told me immediately that he was not leaving me when he came home that day. However, he apparently told her he would get back to her. I knew this information. I am not sure why he did not tell her immediately what he was going to do. She texted me about 3:00 to ask if the three of us could meet. He was in our bedroom and I was out in the hallway. I wasn’t hiding this from him, but I told her maybe later. Although I had no intention of meeting her with or without him, and neither did he. I sent her screenshots of conversations that proved he was still “with” me and she sent me one. I didn’t hear from her again after that. I do recall that she took the day off of work the next day, which was fine with me. I have no idea if he made any contact with her that day, but I’m assuming not. I have no idea what we did that evening, maybe we had a game to go to with the kids.
The night he told her, he came home and we went to Walmart. I’m assuming he was killing time before he had to make that call. And I noticed a folded up piece of paper in his shirt pocket. I assumed it was something she had written him and he was going to share it with me. But, instead, in the parking lot of Walmart he handed me this:
This came as a bit of surprise from him. He had not called her yet, but would be in about an hour. But, I knew when I read this that things were in progress. Even though he had told me that he would not be leaving me, and I did believe him, this sealed the deal. Although I was not naive enough to think it was going to be easy. I did catch him talking to her a few times after he told her goodbye. Maybe her “suicide” attempt got to him, or maybe he wasn’t as strong as he thought. It really doesn’t matter. I didn’t expect a cold turkey thing. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was only a matter of time before it was completely over. I am sure that he read her blog and likely creeped on her FB page. I know this because I saw his search history on his phone for Match.com, which is where she met her new man. (hilarious, I know) I assume he was attempting to look at her profile. I don’t know if he went back after that to see what this dude looked like or not. I haven’t asked him.
It pretty uncomfortable to think about those days. He was still missing her and we were completely disconnected. It’s hard to explain how I felt back then. I knew he wasn’t going anywhere, and he kept saying “I’m here”, but in reality he wasn’t “here” at all. But, he did act normal in front of the kids. He gave it everything he could muster up back then. It was like we were roommates instead of lovers, but to be honest, sex was the furthest thing from my mind. I think we did it more out of need than anything else. It felt like a “for the kids” relationship. And I think he believed that back then.
Honestly, none of it seems real today. It is almost like it never happened. We both know it did, but it feels far away. There were so many days we both thought we would never survive, but our commitment to each other and our family kept us going. The days dragged. It was painful. We fought. We pretended. And we fought some more. We survived. And honestly there are days I have no idea how we survived.
What I thought was impossible has become a reality. But, it was a long, hard, arduous road. We can both tell you that it was definitely worth the fight. We saved ourselves and provided security for our children and peace of mind.