My last few posts about the other woman have been a bit eye-opening to me. Sometimes it’s very hard to see how far you have really come in a bad situation. Today, I can see how far I have really come down the infidelity road. The other woman was someone I hated and that hatred consumed my every waking thought, and likely a few of the sleeping thoughts. Today, the majority of my thoughts are concentrated on my family once again. Thinking about her was like watching it all happen again, but with me looking from the outside in this time. And the perspective of the whole thing was changed when I was just an observer.
Yesterday the OW looked at my other blog 46 times. 1 visitor, 46 views, home page. There is no rhyme or reason to any of it. Today she’s up to 9 times, but she chose specific blogs, the same specific ones she always chooses when it isn’t just the home page. I used to wonder if there was some meaning to it all. But, after my last two posts, I realize that this is just more of her being her.
My life has changed so much in the last five years. I’ve went from fairy tale to tragedy and back to fairy tale. I am not sure how or why a tragic turn happened in my life. Maybe it’s like my husband says and “it just happened”. I have spent a lot of time wondering what went wrong in my relationship that she was able to sneak past the barriers. And the truth is, nothing was wrong. There was nothing wrong with us. Weeds can often find its way growing through the thickest concrete.
It’s easy to blame her or him or me or all of us. But, in this case, I don’t know that anybody was really to blame or that we all were. But, what is closer to the truth is that “it just happened”. None of that changes who any of us are.
I still love and respect my husband and know that deep in his heart he knows he screwed up.
I can’t feel guilty for any weaknesses in our relationship. We are both human.
And I don’t hate her. I may not agree with her lifestyle, but she is who she is.
Most people will hate the other woman and hate her deeply. I can’t be that person. I hate what she did and her lack of respect for other people’s families. But, at the same time I realize that she doesn’t respect herself and the possibility for someone to respect others when they don’t respect themselves is a little difficult.
We have evolved through this affair and have come full circle almost. Our roots were deep and we were committed to getting through this trial in our life. And that really is the difference.