The Other Woman

Bobbie is confusing me….like a lot.  As I said before, she is trying to tell me something, but for some reason, won’t just come out with it.  I thought if I talked to you about her, maybe something would come to mind.

My past relationship with Bobbie is, without a doubt, odd.   And I have no problem saying that I find it unfortunate that all of this happened, because I did like her.  In the email the other wife sent me, it was one of the things she also said.  Bobbie had recently had her closet done and she had talked about that with me and the other wife.  I guess that was the reel in for us, and we both fell for it.  We both liked her.  And as much as my husband suffers from the thought that it was all a lie…part of me does as well.  She lied to all of us.  I suppose she lies to everyone.

Every once in a while I re-read all of our texts.  (the amusing thing here is my husband has long ago deleted all of her texts and I have not).  Sometimes I read these texts and laugh out loud.  She did make me laugh.  Of course, there’s nothing funny about what happened, and our last texts were no laughing matter at all.

I remember when she and I stopped talking.  There were no more texts or calls.  And it felt kind of empty really.  And it was pretty much cold turkey from the night I discovered she had given him a letter.  Betrayal all the way around there.  I remember the next day he had a meeting and I went with him.  He insisted I go with him.

The affair lasted roughly one more year after this moment.  It was a swirl of turmoil and love and lies and betrayal.  How I got through it is a mystery.  How he got through it is an even bigger mystery.  Countless times he sat on the edge of our bed in a state of deep depression and would say “what am I doing, this isn’t me”.  But, somehow she always lured him back in.  And Bobbie went on sleeping with other people and telling my husband she loved him and giving him fabulous blow jobs and “sloppy sex”, as he puts it.  And why she did this is not so much a mystery to us any longer.  And to me it was never a mystery.

As much as I felt like she and I connected, and I still believe that, her desire to win overcame her.  Who she hurt did not matter to her, even if she was hurting herself.

Did she love my husband?  I think she loved the idea of him…a family man, a grounded man, someone who really cared.  But, she can’t be grounded ever really.  I think she wants to be that person desperately.  And I think she will succeed momentarily.

A few months ago I heard that two of her friends were in the midst of broken marriages.  I guess the rotten apple ruined the whole bunch.  And she likely doesn’t realize her part in these tragedies.  Hurting other people runs in that group.  Like I said, none of them are truly friends and nobody ever holds any responsibility for their actions.

But, with all that being said, I feel for Bobbie.  More odd I know.  But, she is a lost soul searching for something that she won’t allow herself to have.  She was married for ten years to someone who was her perfect fit.  Only she never took the time to see it.  She was so busy analyzing her life that she ruined it.  Her friend told me how much he misses her.  He is the forgotten victim in all of this.  First he had to get a package full of her infidelity sent to him and then find out that that guy wasn’t the only one.  She clung to some delusional theory of what real love was, and overlooked the fact that it was literally right in front of her.  Her friend told me that when he found out that she had attempted “suicide” he was crushed.  Maybe he was crushed for a lot of reasons.  They say he still talks about her all the time and all the things they used to do together.  I’m sure she’s oblivious to that.

I haven’t seen Bobbie in years.  Our relationship, whatever it was, is long over.  Whatever it is she is trying to tell me is a mystery.  When her friend sent me her wedding video I only watched a minute or two.  Just seeing her invoked a lot of memories and feelings.  I deleted it without ever finishing.  I also received some pictures, but I looked at one or two and again, deleted.  Part of me wanted to watch that video and look at those pictures and be genuinely thrilled for whatever happiness she may have found.  But images of her bother me.  I go out of my way to avoid her and anything about her, except for those moments I wander over to her blog.

The oddest thing of all is the fact that a conversation between the two of us would bring us both peace.  This I know for sure.  There are so many unanswered questions and things that we probably both need to say.  Maybe she is trying to say, hey, I want to talk to you.  But, this goes back to her insecurity.  She won’t let herself say that, even if it is what she would like to do.  Maybe she’s turning over a new leaf in her life and closure is just what she needs.  Maybe she is fully committed to her new guy and part of that commitment is closing this door.  And I know it’s a door I want to close.

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13 thoughts on “The Other Woman

  1. She’s not a safe person. She’s gone. Leave her in the hole she’s dug… if she goes through a transformation, SHE needs to do it. You have no responsibility to her, and you assume she is a normal person instead of a sociopath… that her redemption is possible. But even if she was normal and is “coming around,” instead of hoping to manipulate from the sidelines, that has nothing to do with you.

    1. I don’t think it’s possible for her to come around really and truly. And I suppose the only question I have for her is why ruin someone’s life for nothing. She knew she didn’t love him and she was just using him so why hurt this man and his children and me for absolutely no reason other than an ego trip to win.

  2. Most of us equate charm with integrity. We think someone that interesting most definitely would be a decent person. You know this woman has pulled her ex, you, your husband, another man or two into her orbit. None of you came out happy. Don’t be fooled again.

  3. Apologies up front if I misread one of your posts. Did you say that you became friends with Bobby after you found out about the affair? I know that can’t be right but I can’t find it to reread. That being said it seems that Bobby is a sociopath and you really need to cut her loose.

    1. We were acquaintances before because she worked for my husband for about 10 years. After I found out about their indiscretions (and it was supposedly over) we became friends. This was after they had been fooling around for about three months. Nothing was serious between them at this point. They had just fooled around on a business trip together. It was only AFTER I found out, and after we started talking to each other, that she pushed the whole thing into high gear unbeknown to me. It’s a long sordid story. Maybe I need to write a blog about that and what happened.

      1. Yes, please….it sounds like a tangled web. My whore is just a plain old ordinary sociopathic workplace home wrecker. Not even if hell froze over could I ever befriend her. Your story seems quite unique….Thanks for the reply.

  4. After things ended with my husband and his other woman, but no contact wasn’t really happening, she said she was upset because he chose me. She lost. She did realize that choosing her wouldn’t have worked or lasted, it was a game to her. I do think she really needed every boost of confidence that he gave her. Of course what type of normal person would do all the things these women do to keep reeling the guy back in to them. All the blogs I read have similar experiences (mine included multiple “suicide” attempts and a “pregnancy”), so it is so frustrating when people say it’s all the husband. Yes, he made a lot of mistakes, but let’s not forget about these crazy other women. But I would say to stay away from letting her back in to your life. I still do wish I could confront mine in person (she lives nearby and still works for the same company as my husband), but I know that will probably make me feel worse in the long run.

    1. The stories are all strikingly similar. When I talked to the other wife it’s amazing how similar the stories were, right down to the type of men they were. People who cheat have confidence issues, including my husband, most of the time. And he told me later that she had confidence issues. I know that she studied my husband and played on every weakness he had, including the death of his parents. And he has told me he realizes now that she also played on all the weaknesses he conveyed to her about him and me. As far as her back in my life….I think she, by default, has become part of my life, whether I like it or not. She’s there even if it is somewhere back in the deep recesses somewhere. I would like to talk with her. I just feel like it will bring that elusive closure. And pure morbid curiosity has me wondering what exactly she would say. Am I expecting an apology? No. I don’t thinks she’s capable of admitting she has ever done anything wrong ever. But, that’s okay. I’ve accepted that.

  5. She doesn’t think she has done anything wrong while cheating with a married man!!??!! That tells you everything you need to know.
    Does your husband still work with her?

    1. No, she quit the job a few months after the suicide attempt. But, don’t be fooled, she did not quit for any other reason than an office full of people now knew she was crazy AND the fact that he did not choose her. I guarantee you she does not believe that she did anything wrong. Her entire mantra in life is to “be happy” no matter the cost. It’s all about her and it always has been, and I have no doubt it always will be.

  6. People like that will never change. They just become more clever and more conniving. And it’s almost like you two are kind of obsessed with the other. I’m sure she wanders over to whatever blog of yours she knows about just as you do to hers. She will always be intertwined in your life because of what she and your husband did – but she certainly doesn’t have to be part of any future chapters.

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