I think all affairs start out with the premise that the grass is greener over there, and I’m going to jump the fence to spread out in the lushness of that greener grass. But, in nearly every case, it is eventually discovered that that just quite isn’t the case. In my husband’s case, he found out that not only was the grass not greener, it was fake. It had the appearance of the greenest, finest grass. It even felt soft and inviting, the blades of grass deep and dense. But, it was nothing more than turf, an imitation of the real thing.
As my husband and I work on healing each other, one thing has come to light more than anything else. The realness of who we are. There is nothing fake about us. The grass is real. No doubt, sometimes we forget to water the grass. Sometimes it looks pretty unruly. But, it’s real. And real grass requires maintenance.
We aren’t living in a movie or a TV show. We are real people, living real lives. And life is messy.
When we watch a football game on television or even at our local stadium, the turf looks beautiful and perfect. There are no worn spots and a storm doesn’t make it all muddy. The lines are always perfect and straight. You can always see the hash marks and the numbers. The end zone is perfectly laid out and labeled with our favorite team.
People want their lives to be perfectly laid out like those turf fields. They want them to appear flawless and labeled. But, our lives do get worn spots. Storms will make us muddy. Things are rarely perfect and most of the yard lines are blurred lines. That’s the way it works. And that is what makes our lives so exciting.
Before the affair, during the affair, and in the aftermath of the affair we were playing on real grass. It was messy and awful and beautiful all at the same time. It did not ever look perfect. It looked like hell quite a few times. And after every storm we had to nurture the grass, take care of it.
The OW plays on turf. It always looks perfect and flawless. It is plastic grass that holds its shape through storms and cleats without any maintenance. When you’re not real, nothing is required. The turf is there and all the games in the world can be played on it without any consequences.