Well, we took down the Christmas decorations and my daughter will be going back to school. January is always a little bit of a downer. But, we worked together to put all of the stuff away and took our daughter shopping tonight to get some things she needed, and we are looking forward to 2016. We are thinking about getting some new furniture, so we have been also thinking about some new flooring. A good home improvement project is always a great way to keep your January depression-free!
That reminded me of the time she got mad at him because we were redoing our walk-in closet. It was a typical after-Christmas project that we normally did together. Little did I know, that particular project would be the catalyst. I guess that was the final straw for her, maybe the moment she realized that he wasn’t going anywhere, because days later came her ultimatum and her “suicide” attempt. I suppose when the man you’re having an affair with is working on home improvement projects, especially your shared closet, with his wife, the chances of him actually leaving her go way down.
Three years ago, on January 28th she called me. It’s funny, it seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. I assume she called thinking that whatever she said would make me leave him, kick him out…not sure. Actually, I was surprised by her call. He did have me completely convinced that he was done with her. I suppose that came as a surprise to her. Maybe she thought he was working on an exit strategy. And I think he was…for her. Still, the pain of it all was pretty bad. But, it doesn’t hurt at all today. After the dust settled and months and months went by I realized the desperation she was showing. He did say she was becoming desperate. Of course, he thought then that she really loved him. That’s the most amusing thing to me. We both say now we should have known that she is incapable of love.
This leaves the fact that he believed he loved her. That, of course, is a much harder pill to swallow. He was infatuated with her. I mean, that’s not a secret that either of us will deny. He was infatuated with her different lifestyle, her freedom, and her sexuality. Amazingly enough, those are the same things that pulled him away from her. He couldn’t handle her lifestyle, she was a little too free (as we’ve learned), and her sexuality made her a flight risk.
After many in-depth conversations his words are that it just happened. He has no idea why. He did tell me that she slyly convinced him in very subtle ways that there were things wrong with our relationship and with me. He said she would take things he said and then manipulate the situation to make me look bad and her look good. He said the bad thing is, he would say things just to get her going, to get what he wanted from her. And he adamantly says that he never had any intention of leaving. She sent me a screenshot of a text from him that day that said “You have to understand what I’m capable of giving.” Did she know then? She must have. She was counting on me to end the relationship, that’s why she called. She knew he was never going to end his marriage. Little did she know I wasn’t going to either.
She likes to give up on marriages and relationships. It’s what she does. Her job allows her to travel and her lack of morals and grounding almost prepares for that kind of life. She has no children to think about or to set a good example for. And that is why I’m sure my reaction to her phone call was not the one she expected. After she was done with her diatribe I told her to think of my children. That was dumb of me. She does not care about the harm she did to them, she never did. And I knew this was the case. So did he.
Here I am three years later. Her drama is so far behind me, I can barely remember the details. And while there is obviously a lot of healing left to do, that’s all that’s left to do. I would call her a home wrecker, but she really couldn’t even get that right. 🙂