New Year

I can’t believe we are this far into the new year already.  Time does fly.  One of my younger sons opened up to me yesterday about how scared he was when we were fighting and asked me if everything was perfect again.  Perfect…that word kind of stings.  While I have always conceded there is no such thing as perfect, I always thought things were perfect for us.  It is very hard for me to ever think of us as perfect again.  I honestly don’t know if I will ever get there.  The complete ironic thing about that is I think that’s exactly where he is.  Over Christmas break we were traveling and I can’t remember what I said, but jokingly about me teaching him something…it was something stupid….and he said quietly, and about the way of the world.  It was barely audible, just loud enough for me to hear.  I looked over at him, but he didn’t look at me.  I know about the pride of a man…I said nothing and started talking about something else.

My husband isn’t being any more particularly romantic, or anything like that, but he being much “closer”.  I want to ask him what he is thinking, but we haven’t talked about her in so long, I don’t even feel like bringing it up.  We had agreed not to mention it over the holidays.  But, now that the holidays are over, I don’t think either of us cares to bring her up.

Tonight, I asked him if he wanted to take the decorations down this weekend.  And he said he thought it was too early.  Another surprise from him.  I am usually the one who overdoes Christmas.  I feel like he is doing all of the less-than-obvious things he can to make amends in the best way he knows how.

And all of this on top of the fact he got me the most fabulous Christmas gift ever!  My kids were right when they said I should get him something good!  I have been wanting an apple watch for a long time and it was worth the wait.  🙂

It’s a new year with the whole thing out in front of us like a two-lane road stretching off into the horizon.  I plan to enjoy the ride, and I know he plans to as well.

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