I recently answered a comment on here about saying her name. When I am talking about her..I say her name. I used to say “the whore”, but honestly, that just felt not effective. Her name is Bobbie. Her name is Bobbie and she completely disrespected herself, her husband, my husband, and me to have an affair. I have said her name so much in the past few years that we both have become desensitized by hearing it….from each other. Let me clarify, if someone else said her name to us, we probably would be able to feel our hearts beat out of our chests and turn red. I don’t know if there’s any desensitizing from hearing her name outside of each other.
When we were on our trip last weekend we passed a country store. When we passed it going, I couldn’t see the name on the sign. It was very dark and it likely wasn’t lit up very well. On the way back, it was daylight. And there it was-Bobbie’s Store. Sigh. I turned my head to look out the side window and let out a “I can’t believe it” sigh. I don’t even know if he saw it. Our kids were with us and we obviously couldn’t talk about it. But, still, it caught me off-guard. I don’t think this kind of thing will likely go away any time soon. I could say her name every single day myself and it wouldn’t change the feelings evoked from seeing that name or hearing it from someone else. I imagine he feels the same.
I try very hard to remember that everything I am getting over, he is also getting over. We both have a lot of baggage concerning her. He has his issues with her and I have mine. The difference is, he wants to pretend his brain is a hard-drive and just wipe it clean. I pretend she’s a virus that’s infected us already and figure out how to overcome it. And we both want to handle our feelings very differently. We have the same destination, but often take different paths to get there. He likes the shortcuts. I prefer to take the rocky road through the briars and weeds.
He told me tonight that he was really looking forward to Thanksgiving with me. It was heartfelt and it made me cry. Plus he helped me all weekend around the house, because he wanted to and not because I asked him. If you asked how he felt about us, he would say there was nothing in the world wrong and we were great. And if you asked me, I would say that I have a lot of things to work through by myself and with him.
And that’s because he had an affair with a girl named Bobbie.