Her Name

I recently answered a comment on here about saying her name.  When I am talking about her..I say her name.  I used to say “the whore”, but honestly, that just felt not effective.  Her name is Bobbie.  Her name is Bobbie and she completely disrespected herself, her husband, my husband, and me to have an affair.  I have said her name so much in the past few years that we both have become desensitized by hearing it….from each other.  Let me clarify, if someone else said her name to us, we probably would be able to feel our hearts beat out of our chests and turn red.  I don’t know if there’s any desensitizing from hearing her name outside of each other.

When we were on our trip last weekend we passed a country store.  When we passed it going, I couldn’t see the name on the sign. It was very dark and it likely wasn’t lit up very well.  On the way back, it was daylight.  And there it was-Bobbie’s Store.  Sigh.  I turned my head to look out the side window and let out a “I can’t believe it” sigh.  I don’t even know if he saw it.  Our kids were with us and we obviously couldn’t talk about it.  But, still, it caught me off-guard.  I don’t think this kind of thing will likely go away any time soon.  I could say her  name every single day myself and it wouldn’t change the feelings evoked from seeing that name or hearing it from someone else.  I imagine he feels the same.

I try very hard to remember that everything I am getting over, he is also getting over.  We both have a lot of baggage concerning her.  He has his issues with her and I have mine.  The difference is, he wants to pretend his brain is a hard-drive and just wipe it clean.  I pretend she’s a virus that’s infected us already and figure out how to overcome it.  And we both want to handle our feelings very differently.  We have the same destination, but often take different paths to get there.  He likes the shortcuts.  I prefer to take the rocky road through the briars and weeds.

He told me tonight that he was really looking forward to Thanksgiving with me.  It was heartfelt and it made me cry.  Plus he helped me all weekend around the house, because he wanted to and not because I asked him.  If you asked how he felt about us, he would say there was nothing in the world wrong and we were great.  And if you asked me, I would say that I have a lot of things to work through  by myself and with him.

And that’s because he had an affair with a girl named Bobbie.



24 thoughts on “Her Name

  1. The OW’s first name is the same as my MIL’s. How great is that – he cheated on me with a woman who has his own mother’s name?!? I refer to her by name out loud in weak, angry moments. I guess time will just have to take the sting away, because the name itself is here to stay.

  2. Bobbie is the name of my awesome hairstylist!

    The ow’s name is Laurie, with the fancy hyphenated last name of her current and past husbands.

    I like your analogy .. My husband is much like yours .. Wiped clean! He’s not doing the work to figure any of it out though.. Just knows it was a mistake and won’t do that again..
    Me.. I’m trying to rid the virus out of my psyche ..

    1. My husband would be happy if I never mentioned her again ever. He would never bring up the affair again if I didn’t. Of course, why would he want to after everything she did to him and us and our kids. I just deal with things differently.

  3. It’s fascinating that these “men” can just “forget, wipe clean, ignore or just outright deny” the tramps they have been involved with….and they leave the mess and damage for us to deal with and clean up. I don’t like the phrase “everybody makes mistakes.” That is true, but there are different degrees. THAT kind of mistake….is something I never made. I never met any man who could even make me think of cheating. It wasn’t so much because of the “love” I had for Loser (he killed that years before I found out he was a lying, cheating, disease-giving man-whore.) It was because I had too much honor.

      1. Maybe fascinating was a poor choice of words but I have always thought that somebody who would risk losing everything for what is basically a tramp….is fascinating.
        It reminds me of that song about the dog who “lost his head, looking for a little piece of tail.” It’s a great song.

      2. Why any man would risk their children for another woman is beyond me. And it boggles my mind that he KNEW she was a tramp. He admits it. He knew she slept around. He had worked with her for 10 years and in a small office everybody talks. And everybody knew that she did “favors” to get jobs for the firm. We had talked about it before. That is what I don’t get the most. He later told me that she had him convinced that she had “changed”….I think after he found out that she was sleeping with others while sleeping with him that that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

      3. Well, like I said in one of my blogs…..what every man wants….is a trashy girlfriend. In my case, Loser didn’t lose his children….I did.
        They all want their “daddy” to be happy so they have welcomed his tramp into their lives, while shutting me out. Great kids, huh?

      4. Ugh… mine are the opposite. My son came storming to me at the end of it all when she was still trying to contact him and sent her a very nasty text telling her that she better leave his dad alone and that if she thought any of them would ever have anything to do with her she was crazy. What did she do..she screenshot the text and sent it to my husband. But, that was a good thing…he got the message loud and clear that he would be out if he continued on that path. I’m sorry about your kids. That sucks. 😦

      5. No. Not too late. My children grew up with a mama who was a steel magnolia. They couldn’t cope with the fact that I fell off of a cliff and can’t seem to find a way to climb back up. I just consider it as…..just one more loss. That’s what my whole life seems to be about…but I’m so used to it, it’s almost comfortable now.

      6. I fell off that cliff too for a while. I do feel bad that they had to see me so weak, but I think that is what ultimately pushed them enough to make their dad see what he was doing to not only me, but to them. It still hurts my heart that they had to go through that. Of course, why should the OW care, she doesn’t have children and has no concept of what that is like. And, her own dad left his family to create hers. Runs in the family.

      7. My beloved children traded me for him. They don’t seem to care what he did to me or them. They have far too much of his blood coursing through their veins. Why shouldn’t your children be able to recognize trash when they see it? I sure don’t know. Mine must have blinders on.

    1. My friends keep telling me I should do the same thing to him, so he knows what it feels like. I can’t. I would never dishonor my children to prove some point. And honestly, I can’t believe that he did either. I swear she had him brainwashed. What scares me is how easily she was able to do it. Boobs and blowjobs much speak volumes.

      1. They sure do. I actually asked Loser what he would do if he found out that I had cheated on him. He casually said “I’d probably raise a little Hell but I’d get over it.” The bad thing here is…..that’s EXACTLY what he would probably do. I wonder what he would do it his tramp cheated on him?

      2. Well, we found out later that his tramp was sleeping with someone else while sleeping with him. He did nothing. I wanted him to call her and tell her off, but instead he did that whole delete hard disk. The only thing he ever said was some reference to the fact that he had been dealt a blow and that he might be suicidal if it wasn’t what he thought it was. The reality that he risked it all for her finally came to light. But, he absolutely won’t discuss that at length at all.

      3. When he said that if he found out it was all a game on her part he might be suicidal, was that……he loved her so much that he couldn’t handle it if she didn’t really love him back….or….he couldn’t handle knowing that he was throwing away his family for someone who didn’t really love him? Guess it was a blow when he found out he was just one of many shopping at “Whores Are Us”.

      4. It was he couldn’t handle throwing away his family for someone who didn’t really love him. And it was definitely a low blow. But, at the same time, he knew in the back of his mind exactly what she stood for. It was much more of a low blow than a surprise. I love the “whores are us” analogy.

  4. My husband’s OW name is Erica. I cannot stand to hear her name. We went to a restaurant recently and our servers name was Erica. I almost asked to be moved. I said something to my husband and he looked blankly at me like he didn’t understand. He has no doubt wiped his brain clean of her. I wish I could say her name enough to make her unimportant, but I literally want to vomit when I hear that name.

    1. A few weekends ago my husband spent the afternoon raking.. My son got home from his girlfriends house. My husband was razzing him about getting out of raking .. His comment was “at least I wasn’t out making out with my girlfriend” yes.. Those were his words. He didn’t get it. All I said was. “I can’t believe you just said that.” But then again, I never believed he could cheat. I use her name in discussion. Mostly to remind him, because he truly seems to have forgotten? Me I’ll never forget her fucking name. It’s like the friggin’ thing is branded inside my head.

    2. I say Bobbie pretty regularly, lol. It works. He, on the other hand, only says it occasionally in our conversations. He usually says “she” or “her” with the right emphasis so I know who he’s talking about.

  5. Guessing that one of the things bothering him when you showed him the half naked pictures she had sent to the other cheater was that she had probably sent the same pictures to him…….gotta love it when a cheater finds out he’s not the only one getting slop from the pig trough. Oink….Oink………Have to say after seeing her blog with the cloths, woman didn’t need a man…….she is in love with her image. Wishing you well.

    1. She is in love with her image…the true definition of narcissist. And that explains a lot. I have no doubt that she sent her lovers the same pics, which I now have. There was one of her in a dressing room naked from the waist down that he had not seen before. I guess she reserved that one for other lovers other than my husband. It wasn’t even a flattering picture. I think the term one of the other wives she screwed was that she looked like a frumpy old maid. I never did understand the “attraction”. But sex is a powerful thing and she used it to her advantage.

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