Name that Tune

As the faucet opens more and more, more and more information gets spilled out.  One of those things is music.  Now, I have long known the importance of music to the other woman and the importance to the other woman as it related to the men she was with.  Apparently with the other man she was sleeping with there were dropbox accounts with playlists of those songs.  I checked with my own husband and could not find any such accounts, and he stated (although this was a long time ago that I asked him) that no such accounts existed. However, what he has told me is (and I kind of knew this) she would take a song that she liked and project the feelings that she had about the song onto my husband.  She wanted him to essentially feel what she was feeling.  An example is As She’s Walking Away by ZBB.  Clearly a song from a man’s point of view that she liked because she wanted him to feel it.  And this is just one of many songs that she threw his way in an attempt to make him feel what she wanted him to feel.  There are so many more, all of which he has now shared with me.

I have a lot of songs that make me think of my husband, but I’ve never liked a song and expected him to like that song and I’ve certainly never asked him to feel anything when he listened to said song.  The humorous thing in this whole thing is he does not care for country music, and many of the songs she wanted him to like were country songs.  He wasn’t going to like them no matter who asked him to like them.  But he pretended.  This is the part I find irritating.  In all fairness I never asked him to like any song i liked.  But, if I had I was pretty sure he would not have participated.  So why did he put up the charade with her?  Oh yeah, I forgot, small price to play for a fabulous blow job.

Okay, no more being snarky, I promise.  Things are crazy right now.  A lot of sports (daily) and a very ill great aunt.  We are traveling a lot right now.  And all of that traveling has us talking way more about things than we usually do.  Sometimes we keep the conversation light, but when you’re fatigued and traveling back toward home alone in the car the conversations seem to flow much more profusely.  We have been talking about so many of the issues that were once hidden away somewhere inside of him.  Mostly about his feelings towards everything.  The last question I asked him last night on the way home from the hospital was how he felt about her.  He answered with one sentence.  I wish her well.  

I wasn’t surprised by his answer at all.  He refuses to let her bring him down anymore than she already has.  I have no doubt that he does wish her well.  I wish her well.  There’s no reason not to wish her well.  In reality we are probably the only two people on the planet who genuinely wish her well.  I’m including herself in that equation.  When people do things to harm themselves, as she has done so often in the past, they need advocates, even if they are silent ones.

My next posts will likely be related to our in-depth conversations about her and the affair from his mouth.  I’m trying to gear myself up for writing that all down.  It’s easy to relay my feelings here–and a comfort.  But, relaying his feelings is a different story.  I will have to see how that goes.

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4 thoughts on “Name that Tune

  1. That’s how we both feel about his ow. I know she loved him as she told me herself. She also told me in the 4 months they were together he never once said he loved her or was leaving me. He cared for her. But she could’ve lied and she didn’t. She did call me up at 2am after he broke it off to tell me. Soin after she moved away, got divorced and 7 years later is remarried. I don’t like her but I don’t hate her. That would’ve given her power she never had or deserved. Good for you!

    1. The OW told me she loved my husband, but we now know she only loved herself. I know my husband told the OW he loved her because when I was secretly recording them I heard him. I can’t tell you how much I wish I could UNhear that. But, he has since realized that he was only in love with the idea of her. Regardless, I agree. Hating her would only hurt me, and not her at all. I had a long conversation with her once, but looking back I realize that she likely was telling me the truth about the things about him, but lying about her own feelings. I guess I will never know why she used him or us.

  2. I can’t imagine anyone trying to project their own feelings about a song onto someone else – everyone feels differently about music!

    Hearing about music in relation to an affair made me think of what happened to me. My husband was interviewed on a small local radio station and had to choose several tracks of music with his reasons for choosing each track. The one he dedicated to me was “In your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel and, when I subsequently discovered his affair, he told me that he had been ‘sending messages to me’ through the tracks he picked … but I hadn’t understood them. I felt angry that he had expected me to read deep meanings into what was, after all, just a lighthearted local radio interview. But actually, the lyrics might have reflected his internal anguish at what he was doing.

    “love I get so lost, sometimes
    days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
    when I want to run away
    I drive off in my car
    but whichever way I go
    I come back to the place you are”

    I still find it hard to listen to that track but perhaps I should see it as a vindication of his return to me and abandonment of his OW. I have no idea if he and the OW had favourite songs during their affair and, to be honest, I really don’t want to know!

    1. My husband and I had switched cars for a day and I just hooked up his Zune and listened to what he was listening to. That’s when I realized everything that he was feeling. Google the song by Rush called “The Halo Effect”. I was stunned. Then I realized the other songs on his playlist were just extensions of his feelings. But, had we not switched cars I wouldn’t have known.

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