For as long as my husband and i have been married I have cut his hair. I am not a hairdresser, by any means. However, his hair is very curly and very easy to cut because you really don’t have to worry too much about evenness. The OW, at some point, convinced my husband that I should not be cutting his hair. So, for 25 years, minus about 9 months, I have cut his hair. Those 9 months, he went somewhere else to get it cut. He, of course, denied that the fact that he was getting his hair cut elsewhere had anything to do with her. Mysteriously, once she was gone I once again became his go-to hairdresser. I was thinking about all of this tonight while I was cutting his hair. Mostly I was thinking about how she was able to manipulate him into doing what she wanted. He hated going somewhere else. And he hated spending money he knew he didn’t need to spend. The other thought going through my head was that he truly was her challenge. She wanted to see just how far she could get him to go. And, much to my surprise, he almost crossed the finish line. Almost. When I ask him what stopped him, his answers make it clear, that he probably actually did the manipulating with her. He convinced her that she was winning when she was actually losing. This explains her language in the letter I posted earlier and in her texts to him. It explains her language to me. But, there’s so much that it doesn’t explain.
This past weekend we had a long talk. It’s rare that we schedule time just to talk, but we did. As you can imagine, there was a huge gambit of emotions going on between us. I think we were angry, cried, and laughed all at some point during this conversation. And the next day he wrote me a letter. In it, he stated that there has never been anyone he enjoyed spending time with than me. And he stressed how comfortable he is with me. But, he also stated sometimes it’s too comfortable (he hasn’t elaborated yet on what that means). He told me that she was new to him, that was the allure. Other than that he never mentioned her again in the letter. He said he feels like a doormat sometimes…but made sure he said that I’m the only one who has never treated him like a doormat. (I admit, part of me wanted to say, and you exchanged that favor by treating me like one), but I didn’t say that. He pretty much ended the letter by saying he was just rambling…..just clearing up the loose ends from our conversation over the weekend. I know there’s much more he wants to say, and maybe this weekend there will be more. I feel like he’s a faucet. At first the water was off, and nothing was coming out. Then, the water was coming out in a slow drip, very slow. And now, we have a trickle. I’m waiting for full pressure.
Healing is a long, arduous process. It really is. And, in my case, even more so. He cheated on me while she cheated on him, plus a fake suicide. That’s a lot of drama, especially for him and me, who have lived nearly our entire lives staying away from drama. Another thing I wonder about. He worked with her for 10 years, he knew she was a lot of drama. We all knew she was a lot of drama.
But, maybe her drama is the something new he was craving. I didn’t ask him.