The OW long ago blocked me on Facebook. But, today, her picture popped up in a group photo associated with another friend. They are in a leadership organization together. I don’t think I was prepared to see that. And then, she popped up again in the background of another photo. My son’s girlfriend went to a concert last night with her friend. And there in the background of a photo of a person I love, there she was. I asked her to delete the photo. The ironic thing is the concert. Tim McGraw. If it weren’t for Tim McGraw I wouldn’t have caught them. Well, a mixture of Tim McGraw, an iPhone, and Microsoft Exchange Server email that had a glitch.
You know that feeling when your heart starts beating really fast? I felt that again today. It makes me wonder how much faster it will beat when I see her in person again for the first time. it felt like a runaway train barreling down a straight-shot railway track. I felt a gush of blood race to my head. And yet, at the same time, as unprepared as I was, seeing her pop up like that so unexpectedly made me wonder about her. And it made me want to talk with her. Even before her picture graced my newsfeed I have been wanting to talk to her. I gave up hating her long ago. And, I guess in the spirit of closure and peace, I really just want to talk to her.
Typically, I would just request that from her. I’m not quite the intimidated type. But, I already know the answer. The first time I requested to speak with her, right after i found out, she agreed, but only for him. And she was pretty indignant through the whole thing and then told him after not to put her through that again. But, I will admit, the second time I spoke with her, she gave me her whole day and it wasn’t at all like you might expect a conversation between a wife and the other woman to go. We both laid it all on the table. And, to be honest, she was more honest with me than he ever was. She was not indignant in the least. It was actually a very good conversation. I actually felt some respect for her that day. And it all would have been ended well for all of us, if only, in that moment, that conversation’s impact could have had some staying power.
In the photo today, with this group of other people, she stood out. Overdressed for the occasion in a bright blue, shiny dress. But, that’s the epitome of her, to stand out, be noticed. The opposite of me. We would often talk about clothes together and her belief that they represent who you are and determine the level of respect one receives. And the real irony in that is that my husband believes that to be an untruth. He has never subscribed to the theory that what you are wearing means anything at all.
But, I suppose I wouldn’t have noticed her at all today in that photo had she not been wearing that out-of-place dress.