I just had cereal. I know, it’s really not anything very remarkable. But it is. For the longest time, if I had a craving for cereal at midnight I could not indulge. Why, you ask? Because he would believe that I was spying on him, looking at his phone, etc. When I could have cereal again at midnight I knew that she was gone. The first time I had cereal at midnight and he did not come looking for me, I was stunned. I didn’t think that would ever happen again. Back then, I would move and he would be awake, wondering what I was doing. We had a lot of fights at midnight.
These days, he sleeps soundly. I could go and come many times over and he would not stir. I can have cereal at midnight any time I want.
And, these days, it’s happening a lot. I’m awake and I don’t know why. I am tired, but I can’t seem to make tired and sleep come together. I’m not even thinking about him. That’s not it. I’m not sure what it is. But, ironically, even though it has nothing to do with him, sleepless nights remind me of the affair, which, I guess, eventually is what keeps me awake. It just never starts out that way.
I have also been neglecting my other blogs. I seem to come up with great ideas, but never execute them. I have no idea why. Writer’s block? Yeah, I don’t know. I have a lot of drafts, but no real substance in them. I actually have a lot of things that I want to do, but can’t seem to make myself do them. I know, I know, I’m whining. I’m sorry. And, I know I really don’t have anything to whine about. But, I feel a little lost these days, despite all of the positive things going on in my life.
I talked to a friend yesterday that used to work with my husband. She is having marital problems. I’m beginning to think of my husband’s business as a black hole of marriages! But, some great news is the office mate whore..who I actually despise way more than the OW….is gone! Why do I hate her more? She posts christian crap on her FB while she cheats on her husband and encouraged the OW to fight for my husband. I cannot stand a hypocrite. At a minimum the OW is not a hypocrite…she just is what she is, and even I can respect that.
We also have a date this weekend for the sole purpose of talking. I’m hoping we can talk about the last few things we need to discuss and get deep. Closure seems so close..yet so far.
But, I can have cereal at midnight in peace, and that’s something.