The Experience of Us

I haven’t had too much time to write after getting back from vacation.  We have been so busy!  I intended to write today, but ended up doing laundry and just hanging out with the kids.  That’s what rainy days are for, right?  I never did solve the mystery of cpmags.  Like I said, their blog wasn’t attached to their gravatar, so the mystery will have to stay a mystery.  Maybe that will make me check my email more often!  I at least remembered the password (well, that’s a lie, I actually had it written down somewhere).

I can’t tell you all how peaceful last week was.  I really miss it.  I think we all miss it.  We threw all of our cares and worries to the wind and just relaxed.  And, I’m sure you all know how much a week of relaxation means after going through what we’ve went through.  The only thing that really was bad was the bed was so hard.  We were both uncomfortable and relished getting into our own bed.  But, what a small detail in comparison.  But, yeah, our own bed felt so great!  And, we needed something to look forward to, because none of us wanted to leave.

Now that we are home I can definitely say that we strengthened our bond with each other and with the kids.  I think we both spent a lot of time together, but soul-searching individually.  We conquered physical feats together, and that helped us conquer the mental ones as well.  I can’t say that we did any talking about the affair or even just about us.  But, we experienced “us”.  And we needed to get back to experiencing us.  It seems like an easy thing to decide to work everything out and just become the “us” again, but it’s not.  There’s a lot of things to work through for each of us separately and together.  I think we finally figured out that working the things out separately will pave the way for us to work the things out that we need to with each other.  It is interesting to watch the gaps close that I thought at one time never would and not at all in the way I thought.  It’s the individual work we are doing that it bringing us closer to each other.  And for the longest time I could not accept that individual things had to happen first.  I was convinced that it had to be a mutually exclusive thing.  I was wrong.  The stronger we grow into who we are separately the closer we grow together, and with very little effort.

We both have work to do, both alone and with each other.  I still have unanswered questions and he still has demons that he needs to relinquish.  But, we are getting there.  And it really is like climbing a steep mountain, it’s a slow and steady process.  You have to keep moving towards the goal.  And stopping to rest along the way is essential.  Stopping to drink some water is necessary.  You absolutely must take care of yourself along the way.  And, it’s of the utmost importance to stay on the path.

We had so many great experiences last week, many were first experiences.  And this is where we are in our relationship, we are someplace very familiar, but experiencing a lot of firsts with each other.  It feels good.  It feels exciting.  And it feels freeing.  And the feeling of experiencing “us” again leaves me breathless.

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