Mountains

We just returned from a vacation in the mountains.  I highly recommend a mountain trip to truly do some soul searching and find yourself and each other again.  We went to one of our favorite places.  The odd thing is, this place is also where it began for them on an overnight business trip.  But, it was our place first and the thought of that event rarely crosses my mind there.  She used to say a specific place there, a place with food and live music held her favorite memory, because that was where they were that night before it happened.  In the past, he avoided this place.  This time, he and I made a new memory there.  HUGE milestone.  I said nothing, and kind of just pretended that I didn’t even notice.  Plus in this quaint little mountain town he also bought me a gift.  As we walked hand-in-hand down the sidewalk she was a distant memory, but I have a feeling in his mind he was thinking that he wiped her memory away with me.

Every day we had a new adventure that involved hiking or zip lining, or fishing.  But, this one particular hike seemed to me to embody our relationship over the last few years.  Hiking in the mountains alone is challenging and exhilarating.  We all loved it.   And while my kids met every challenge head-on and without slowing down, we were a different story.  We were told if we took this one trail that we would get an incredible view, but the trail was steep with a lot of loose rocks.  But, we are up for the challenge and the view.  We had to take this path:

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This path was a struggle for me.  My knees are not what they used to be and steep with loose rocks is a recipe for disaster potentially for me.  But, he helped me slowly to the top.  It was scary and strenuous, and some of my steps were not steady and slippery rocks would often cause me to stumble or slip.  There were so many moments I wanted to turn back, or thought I couldn’t go another step.  I was afraid to go back and afraid to go forward.  But, I was determined to get there, to get to the pinnacle.  So, I hiked on while the kids patiently waited for us at the top and he assisted when I needed him.

This is what was awaiting us at the top:

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Peace, tranquility, beauty.  And a feeling of accomplishment.  After a lot of hard work, a lot of slipping, a lot of climbing, and a lot of being afraid to go forward or backward, we did it.  And it was worth it.  Something beautiful was at the end of a rocky path.  I couldn’t help but think of us and our own journey.

I still can’t say we are a hundred percent, although a lot of times he feels like we are.  But, we have certainly prevailed.  And it was not easy.  It was hard.  And the journey was fraught with danger and dread.  While we are standing at the pinnacle, with a whole lot of difficult behind us, we also know that it was worth it.  There are plenty of moments when I feel like the view of us was obscured and ruined by her.  I would be lying if I didn’t say that was true.  There are lots of other times I feel like, it’s just part of who we are now, and maybe I shouldn’t over think it.  I also feel like he appreciates me so much more now, and appreciates the fact that he knows I really love him.  It’s important to control the perspective.  In the beginning of our journey there was no controlling my perspective.  But, time does also work toward healing and recovering.

I can honestly say that this week has been so great for our family.  It came at the perfect time and we created so many great memories.  I am reminded that I could have walked away so many times when things got difficult, but I didn’t.  I knew that what lay ahead would be infinitely worth it in the end.

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