Anything Can Happen-one of the various lines he used to dupe her

My husband and I do not talk too much about the insides of his affair.  But, the other night when we were planning some trips I suggested a specific place.  He did not want to go there.  He said he’d been there with her and would rather not go.  Of course, someday we will.  I could have been upset about it had I not known that the reason he didn’t want to go wasn’t for any sentimental reason, just that he didn’t want to be reminded of her.  I personally think a great way to remove unwanted memories associated with a place is to make some new memories there.  Men are different though.  At this point, he doesn’t want any reminders of her at all.  Maybe I shouldn’t blame him.  However, the mere mention of her name between us always dredges up some sort of thought in my mind of why he did it, and why would he do it.  It’s pretty clear based on the evidence that she was duping him.  Her motive remains unknown.  I don’t talk too much about the fact that he was doing his own duping as well.

Out of three of us, two of us knew he wasn’t going anywhere.  Did I sit around worrying that he might change his mind and leave?  Only occasionally, and usually only in the middle of the night.  I knew the likelihood was slim.  He knew the likelihood was almost zero.  She thought the likelihood was near 100 percent.  Well, that’s my guess based on the things she said and put out there.  Her confidence level was high.  I have never asked him exactly what things he said to her to lead her to this 100 percent dupe, but just from the basic knowledge of my husband I’m quite sure that one of them was “Anything can happen”.  Those three words probably kept her up at night as she likely spent a lot of time waking up in the middle of the night to re-read her texts from him.  Likely hanging on every lie he told her and converting them into truths.

My big question is, why were they duping each other to begin with?  She is sleeping around and leading him to believe that she’s changed and really loves him.  He’s telling her he loves her back to reap the rewards of her fantastical blow jobs.  And every time she goes down he thinks he’s in love.  Then, he comes home to his family, the blowjob has worn off and he talks some sense into himself.

Rinse and Repeat……for two years.

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3 thoughts on “Anything Can Happen-one of the various lines he used to dupe her

  1. I think the gender differences in avoiding re-living memories are really interesting. My husband hasn’t seen the OW in about a year and there are things he has legitimately forgotten, like her eye color. And in the beginning I wanted to get rid of everything that was associated with her, but now I have decided I would prefer to “write-over” those experiences with our own as much as possible. This may sound crazy, but one thing I made him do is use a condom when we had sex (TMI? Sorry) because we haven’t used them in 14 years and I was not about to let him associate condoms with her. His most recent memories will be with me. She gets nothing special. The only thing she gets is to be the other woman, because I will never be that.
    It’s really good that he felt comfortable sharing his feelings about that with you, and I hope that you feel like that’s good progress. I do think men just think differently and he wants to forget, so he will. This is what I tell myself anyway. xx

    1. He did it again today when a song came on. Waiting for a Girl Like You came on and he said something and we just let it play. It was awesome! I honestly feel like things like that speak more to the healing and the forgetting than anything! He could have said nothing and I would have never even have known that song was associated with her. I completely understand the condom thing….but at least yours used one. I gotta tell you, when he told me she had an STD and he didn’t use one……seriously, who lets someone take that much control over them that they are willing to risk their health and other people’s health. So be glad for that one! lol

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