The Halo Effect

My husband and two of our kids were out of town this weekend.  The perfect weekend for some down time and some reflection.  After trying to get a lot of things done around our house and a some time spent with the kids it was welcomed.   He was especially excited because they went to see his favorite band.  This is the interesting part, this band.  Every once in a while we need to switch cars, for whatever reason.  About a year ago I would say, while I was in his truck I went to hook up his MP3 player to listen to some music.  I was in a hurry and decided to just listen to whatever he was listening to at the time.  I had heard the band’s latest album several times, and I knew his favorite songs, which I also found interesting, by the way, given that he was in the throes of this affair when the album came out.  The song he loved the most was called The Garden.  It’s a very fitting song for a family man detailing the significance and value of a family to a man.  I always thought when he listened to it that that was his reality, his come back down to earth after being with her.  I took it as his reminder to himself that she was an unwanted intruder into his garden.  I never really asked him, and I actually kind of forgot about it until I got in his truck and started listening to the songs that came up on his playlist.

His favorite band is Rush.  And there were exactly three songs on his playlist, as if he was listening over and over to these three songs.  The Garden was one of the songs, which I did not find surprising at all.  Another song was called The Wreckers.  After hearing the song, I realized that something he had said a few weeks ago made sense.  A line from the song is “all i know is sometimes you have to wary, sometimes the target is you”.  He had told me those exact words not too long after he found out about her indiscretions.  The entire song is basically about being duped and is based on another story about a group who used fake lights, like a lighthouse,  to attract ships and cause them to wreck into their shores.  But, it was this next song that stopped me in my tracks.  A song called The Halo Effect.  Here are the lyrics:

What did I see?
Fool that I was
A goddess, with wings on her heels
All my illusions
Projected on her
The ideal, that I wanted to see

What did I know?
Fool that I was
Little by little, I learned
My friends were dismayed
To see me betrayed
But they knew they could never tell me

What did I care?
Fool that I was
Little by little, I burned
Maybe sometimes
There might be a flaw
But how pretty the picture was back then

What did I do?
Fool that I was
To profit from youthful mistakes?
It’s shameful to tell
How often I fell
In love with illusions again

What did I do?
Fool that I was
To profit from youthful mistakes?
So shameful to tell
Just how often I fell
In love with illusions again

A goddess with wings on her heels

It’s almost as if this song was written for him.   He fell for an illusion.

And I knew then that he knew.

So here we are a year later, and I think this particular group means a little more to both of us.



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