A little surprise

So, I know i just blogged.  But, something odd happened and I had to write it down and tell you all.  So, we were traveling, yes again, to help out a friend of ours.  I’m really sick of traveling, by the way.  Anyway, when we are on the way back with our two friends he reached over and grabbed my hand in the car.  Now, that in itself is not odd, he has been holding my hand in the car for 25 years.  But, my husband is not a PDA person.  I mean he holds my hand when we’re at the mall or wherever, but in an enclosed car with other people who aren’t our kids or family…not usually.  I was so shocked and surprised and emotional, had to hold that part in.  The other odd thing is the song that had just finished on the radio was Sam Smith’s I’m Not the Only One.  Coincidence?  No idea.  We have heard that song on the radio dozens of times.  Maybe he just listened to the words the first time ever.  Or maybe he didn’t even hear the song and felt the urge to “love” me.  Regardless it was odd and wonderful all the same time.  But, I suppose I would have found that odd and wonderful before all of this.  Progress?  Sure, we’ll call it progress.

Life is certainly odd.  Anyway, he is taking off work next week and we are going to do some fun things, some spring cleaning, and some sleeping.  We are both looking forward to the time together while the kids, well a few of them, will still be in school.  We will be using the time constructively regardless.  And let’s face it, just doing nothing together would be constructive.  And then sometime after school is out we have other family things planned and maybe something just the two of us.  We haven’t decided yet.  Personally, I would love to just spend the day together eating pizza in bed and watching movies like we used to before life became so complicated.

Sometimes I think his emotions are in as much of a roller coaster as mine.  I know he struggles with guilt and regret.  I know he wonders how in the world this ever happened, just like I do.  It’s funny, when we used to go through things, feelings and the like, we used to go through them at opposite times.  But, these days we are typically going through the same emotions at the same time.  Does it help?  I don’t know.  I think sometimes we don’t mention it, but we know we are both feeling the same.  Other times, we just want to deal with whatever we are going through alone.  And sometimes we have a conversation about it.  None is wrong, and all are helpful and we almost always seem to be on the same page about what to do.   This is so different from before where we were never on the same page about anything.  We certainly weren’t standing next to each other to take on the world, like we are now.  We were facing each other in full battle mode.  Those were the days when I wondered if things would ever settle down and get back to normal.  But, they did.  Although it’s not as much normal as new normal.  I’m still waiting for the day when I don’t think of what happened.

Maybe he is too?



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