Damage unseen

When dealing with affairs we typically see the emotional effects. All of the invisible pain that everybody in the family feels. But, as I'm sure we have all experienced, there is also damage to the physical aspects of your life. For us, it's been closets. From the moment I found out my mind and body shut down. My huge house and my huge family got out of control. It only takes a few days in a large family for this to happen. I used our closets as holding cells. Nothing got organized and cleaning became half-assed. It may have been invisible to visitors, but things were in disarray, hidden behind closet doors. Nothing depresses you more than your husband having an affair AND a messy house.

Last April, after I found out from my new friend what the other woman was really about, I changed. And I set out to get my life and those closets back under control. Free therapy my friends.

The closets in my house are huge. That is a great thing until it comes time to organize them. I started with mine. My walk-in was as broken as my heart. I had stopped hanging things up. I just draped things over an empty suitcase that had never got put back after a trip. It was overwhelming, just like the affair. So I emptied the closet. And I started some piles to donate and to throw away. I realized I also had to do this in my head. I had multiple boxes taking up space that needed to go. Somehow the path became clear. I now had to let go of all the bad stuff to make room for the new-both places. The closet was easier.

This past week I worked on my boys' closet. I remember getting ready to start this four years ago, and all of this happened. This closet was full of four years worth of sizes for three boys. It was overflowing on both sides. I found things that my twins never got to wear because they were already outgrown. I found things with tags and things I had forgotten about. I emptied every drawer and every piece out of the closet and dumped it on the floor in my room. Almost everything was donated or thrown away. That kind of made the job a lot easier. But, it was still a huge job.

I thought about “her” the entire time.

But, this time it wasn't in anger. Although I am angry that her actions left my family in ill repair in many different aspects, the least of which being my closets.

I haven't been able to see what she's doing for over six months, which is the last time she updated her own blog. We have each other blocked on Facebook. But, in her last entry she had a new man-and he's actually single! I only surmise this because she posted photos of him. Maybe, just maybe, she's straightening out her life. But, I'm fearful for her and him. Old habits are hard to break. The kind of insecurity that makes you feel like you have to have affairs with multiple men, especially married ones, is likely not easy to overcome.

You're probably wondering why I care. I have no explanation. Maybe it goes back to the kindred spirit we once shared.

For the record, I'm quite sure she never gives me a second thought. If she truly felt any remorse for her actions and was truly on a path to happiness I feel that I would hear from her, an apology, anything.




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