I heard myself say the words that all men are assholes

A few years ago I would have never generalized like that. But, a few years ago things were different. I find myself saying a lot of things that I would have never said before. I also find myself thinking things I never thought before. I remember hearing a comedian about ten years ago say during his act that all men cheat and proceeded in a funny way to say why. I remember it because my husband and I discussed how untrue that was. And at that moment it wasn't true. At that moment all men did not cheat. At that moment all men were not assholes. At this moment, all I know is that my man did cheat. And for this man to cheat, I have no choice to believe they all do. I hope I'm wrong. I hope that I just misjudged his greatness. I'm hoping that I was the one who was delusional enough to think that he would never cheat, and that somewhere out there such a man exists.

I honestly do not believe that he would ever cheat again. I have real trouble though believing he did the first time.

Do all men cheat? Is it something in their make-up that drives them to find sex wherever they can get it? And, does it shut down their brains? How can they have the knowledge that someone is a “player” and continue on the path to destruction? If you're a man, weigh in here, because I don't understand. I don't understand how you can be rational enough to know it's all going to end up a big mess and continue. How did the little head gain so much power?

We have both been sick this week. As I was driving my boys to practice yesterday I was thinking of those vows….. for better or worse, in sickness and in health……and how so many people do not take them seriously. So many people discount them. As soon as something goes wrong, people bail on their relationships, turn to someone else, instead of turning to the person they should. We, as a society, may have technological advances, but personally we have failed ourselves. The things that should matter, like family, our children, our relationships go on the backburner to career paths and fun. If it's not fun, we do not want to partake, and raising a family is not always fun. It's hard work. It's mentally taxing. It's exhausting. And here we are, with the responsiblity of raising awesome human beings, and some make the choice to be a poor example. How can anyone fail their children in that way?? We are failing our children with selfishness.

He has been sicker than me. I took care of him and made him soup. I coughed all night and couldn't sleep and he let me sleep in and took the kids to school. True love doesn't die, it's just hidden away somewhere, waiting to find it's way back out of the abyss. I really don't think all men are assholes. I don't think all men cheat. And I believe that forgiveness is hard, but not impossible. And I am trying hard to trust again. And the other woman has a new boyfriend that I pray will not suffer at her hand.



5 thoughts on “I heard myself say the words that all men are assholes

  1. I think most men are less relationship savvy than women. Not all. Most. So when a woman keeps it all light and hey this isn’t threatening your marriage we’re just having a bit of role play he believes her. Idiot. If she’s a married woman she’s doing it because she genuinely is looking to replace or permanently supplement her husband (statistics indicate marital satisfaction is low for cheating wives but not cheating husbands). This is why ex OW are so damned clingy and unremorseful where many non-player men are extremely remorseful.

    I admit I won’t ever get into another relationship, come what may to the marriage, I have no trust in any man’s integrity. Not because I think they will do anything for sex but because they are so easily led. Integrity requires backbone and the ability to slap someone (figuratively) who is being inappropriate.

    The phrase yes-men was coined for a reason. There’s no phrase for yes-women.

    1. They are so easily led. That’s so true. As far as this OW goes, I think she has more serious issues than any of us are equipped to speculate on. She has zero respect for herself, so therefore could never have any respect for anyone else. I’m not even sure she realizes the harm she causes as she goes. I think she is more like a robot. She doesn’t know any better and it’s like a drug for her, it’s the only thing that makes her happy or keeps her going.

  2. All very important questions. I have asked a lot of the same ones myself, particularly the ones about raising a family and it being hard work. Some people are just weak. Both men and women. Weakness doesn’t discriminate based on gender, though cheating as an outlet seems to be much more common in men than women.

    Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. xoxo

  3. Nephila, that’s a brilliant observation, “yes man” indeed, they would never think of saying no when sex is offered!

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