It's only a matter of time before the other woman finds this blog. If you search her name it is the third hit. I also wonder everyday if another woman is going to come forward and tell me her husband was with her as well. People have affairs, no doubt. But, to be sleeping with three married men at once is beyond me. I look around at my full life, and I wonder how anyone could allow their life to become so shallow and empty that resorting to multiple affairs at the same time is how they acheive their happiness? I'm not even sure why I'm wondering this. I”m not sure why I care. Maybe it's just empathy for another human being.
My life is moving forward. I still have days where I can't control the suspiciousens, but I have many more where I am fine. Not trusting is hard for me. I am not like that. I am a very trusting person. And, yet, as much as I want to suppress that, it still leaks out from time to time. I have to remember that I also am a human being as well.
My husband hasn't said much, even with the discovery of the others, he's said little. Perhaps it's embarrassment or humiliation or just stubborness, I'm not sure at the moment. To be honest, although I do want him to talk to me about the whole thing, I don't really care at the moment. Maybe it's just stuff he needs to hash out on his own first. For me, just knowing he was one of many has been a gift really. The knowledge that she is incapable of anything even close to real love makes it so much easier to forget and move on.
I have thought considerably about WHY he did it. I have spent the last three years asking this question. And after looking back on things he's said and knowing who she is now, and piecing together all of the information, and the knowledge of how happy we were, and the fact that he turned her down inititally, that she played a fantastic game with him. Him turning her down was the beginning. She wove a web of lies and deceit and lured him in by making him believe that his life was unsatisfactory and that he should be having a lot more fun. And I'm sure she made it look like he came to this conclusion all on his own. The entire time he questioned his own actions, but she was stronger than he was, until push came to shove. In the end who he really was came out and who she really was came out. I don't think he had an epiphany. I think he was afraid of her and what she might do. He voiced those concerns to me right after her suicide attempt. He said he knew that she could be a real bitch. He worried that she would try and hurt me. He told me that he could never trust her. He knew, he knew, he knew. And that just makes me sad.