I finally got to talk to my “counselor”, who is really a friend and a minister, with a bit of knowledge in counseling. She actually counseled us back in 2012. Although, we found out later that my husband continued to have the affair while we were doing this. Counseling can’t work if the parties being counseled aren’t truthful. Although, looking back, I find it odd the number of times we left one of those sessions and he made love to me. Of course, looking back now, a lot of things that seemed odd and strange have become more clear.
But, back to my conversation with my counselor. I had sent her all of my new information from the lovely woman who had formerly been betrayed by the same “other woman”. So, she had had a chance to look =it over. The only thing I didn’t send her was the half-nude picture that the “other woman” had sent this other wife’s husband, because she didn’t want to open that in an email. So, we started the conversation with that picture. And, the conversation progressed to the emails and messages between this other man and the “other woman”. It doesn’t take a counselor to figure out that someone like her is not well. So, we really never talked about “the other woman” too much. She is what she is. She will always be that.
The real conversation revolved around my husband. My friend does not know him well, only through me and her own husband, who grew up with my husband. Trying to figure out why someone acts out of character is not easy. Even though nobody knows this man like I do, every day I wake up confused. But, one question asked by my friend made me “get it”. She said, if it weren’t for this, would you have liked her. I answered immediately, that yes, I would have. I recall the other wife also saying that she had liked her when she first met her. My husband liked her. Her husband liked her. This “other woman” has a gift for marketing herself to everyone. And, despite my disbelief at my own husband’s actions, the truth is, I fell for her act as well. However, my husband fell in a well of despair over this woman. He risked his children, his wife, his career, his health. He risked all of these things in one breath, while stating in another that he could never trust her, that she wasn’t capable of love, that he felt sorry for her. Deep down he knew. Deep down he knew exactly who she was, but yet he kept going. His intention was never to leave his family, and yet he kept going, feeding some other disability deep inside of him. And, whatever that disability is, he clearly didn’t feel as if I could help. But, that’s when a counselor’s knowledge comes in handy. I can’t help, because whatever it is, it’s not good. Whatever it is, he doesn’t want me to know.
My days consist of a lot of waiting. Waiting on him to say something, to explain his actions, to say anything. It’s a lot of waiting. I am weary of waiting. I truly am. I am weary of the whole thing. Yet, I wait, because that is what you do when you love someone.