When You Love Someone

I finally got to talk to my “counselor”, who is really a friend and a minister, with a bit of knowledge in counseling. She actually counseled us back in 2012. Although, we found out later that my husband continued to have the affair while we were doing this. Counseling can’t work if the parties being counseled aren’t truthful. Although, looking back, I find it odd the number of times we left one of those sessions and he made love to me. Of course, looking back now, a lot of things that seemed odd and strange have become more clear.

But, back to my conversation with my counselor. I had sent her all of my new information from the lovely woman who had formerly been betrayed by the same “other woman”. So, she had had a chance to look =it over. The only thing I didn’t send her was the half-nude picture that the “other woman” had sent this other wife’s husband, because she didn’t want to open that in an email. So, we started the conversation with that picture. And, the conversation progressed to the emails and messages between this other man and the “other woman”. It doesn’t take a counselor to figure out that someone like her is not well. So, we really never talked about “the other woman” too much. She is what she is. She will always be that.

The real conversation revolved around my husband. My friend does not know him well, only through me and her own husband, who grew up with my husband. Trying to figure out why someone acts out of character is not easy. Even though nobody knows this man like I do, every day I wake up confused. But, one question asked by my friend made me “get it”. She said, if it weren’t for this, would you have liked her. I answered immediately, that yes, I would have. I recall the other wife also saying that she had liked her when she first met her. My husband liked her. Her husband liked her. This “other woman” has a gift for marketing herself to everyone. And, despite my disbelief at my own husband’s actions, the truth is, I fell for her act as well. However, my husband fell in a well of despair over this woman. He risked his children, his wife, his career, his health. He risked all of these things in one breath, while stating in another that he could never trust her, that she wasn’t capable of love, that he felt sorry for her. Deep down he knew. Deep down he knew exactly who she was, but yet he kept going. His intention was never to leave his family, and yet he kept going, feeding some other disability deep inside of him. And, whatever that disability is, he clearly didn’t feel as if I could help. But, that’s when a counselor’s knowledge comes in handy. I can’t help, because whatever it is, it’s not good. Whatever it is, he doesn’t want me to know.

My days consist of a lot of waiting. Waiting on him to say something, to explain his actions, to say anything. It’s a lot of waiting. I am weary of waiting. I truly am. I am weary of the whole thing. Yet, I wait, because that is what you do when you love someone.



4 thoughts on “When You Love Someone

  1. Makes me think of that song, “Say Something I’m Giving Up on You”

    He must feel like the fool for being duped by such a black widow and, more importantly, for risking your life with him.

    Hugs, I’m glad you are in counseling. I’ve just started mine and am scared shitless of what it will unearth.

  2. I guess I’m going to comment on another old post so I hope that isn’t super annoying. The OW in my situation needed my husband to save her and take care of her. She was helpless and kept going back to dangerous and abusive situations. No one would ever believe me or understand that I found myself offering to help her get out and being genuinely concerned for her. She ruined my life and is far more manipulative than I was giving her credit for, but I totally would have rescued her myself. I saw how it happened. She wasn’t even that nice to me. Just pathetic, if that makes sense. She wrote an email to me much later, apologizing and saying if we met under different circumstances she thinks we would be friends. That’s inaccurate. I would have rescued her like a puppy in the pound. But she was not my equal. That’s my problem. I thought only my equal or above were threats to my marriage. I had no idea I needed to worry about those lurking below. But when I had my husband write a final letter telling her what she was to him, and to not contact either of us again, he told her that he doesn’t know why she thinks we would have been friends because I’m smart and funny and beautiful and we have nothing in common. It made my heart happy. You probably would have liked her because you are nice. I’m guessing you had nothing else in common with this OW…

    1. The OW and I actually became “friends” after the fact, which is completely bizarre to almost everyone else on this planet. And even though she was ruining my life I felt a very strong connection to her. She will never write me a letter apologizing though. We did have so many things in common, but also things that were polar opposites. He told me her lifestyle had been intriguing to him. She has no kids, so she could basically drink and party all the time.

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