I never imagined that healing for me, for us, would start so quickly after beginning this blog. I envisioned many blogs detailing more days of pain and sorrow. I envisioned any healing that would take place would be me, alone, working through the betrayal of someone I truly loved who continued to not act like himself by writing and writing and writing. I expected to have many more sleepless nights. I expected the mere act of breathing to continue to be a struggle. I would wonder how I was going to raise my children and keep the effects of this tragedy to a minimum.
But, healing has begun. My faith in humanity was rattled with the discovery of my husband’s affair. My faith in everthing that existed was rattled. I believed that if he could do such a terrible thing, then there was no hope for any of us. I questioned the color of grass and the color of the sky. I questioned how something so great could go so wrong. I fell into a deep, dark hole of despair. I felt sorry for myelf. I became numb to life. My extreme passion for life disappeared. My passion for my children disappeared. I had, for all intents and purposes…..checked out. And then, a miracle happened. Just like that. As quickly as my life was changed with the affair, it was changed again with a comment on one of my posts “It was my fault because I spied on him”. First http://www.temptedblog.wordpress.com commented, we had chatted before in comments and I felt compelled to share “the other woman’s” blog with her in the comments. Imagine, comments in a blog being the catalyst to healing. Those comments led another wife, victimized by the same woman, to find my blog. Out of thousands of blogs, she found mine. Not only did she find it, she spoke up. She might have let it go, walked away, been too afraid, any number of things. She spoke up. She spoke up and so much more. My faith in humanity has been restored. I see the sky as blue and the grass as green. I climbed out of the hole of despair. At that point, at that moment, it did not matter what happened next. I could clearly see the truth and I felt empowered in a way that I never have. I had the truth in my hands.
I made the decision to move forward. I made the decision to love my life again. I carried forward….and he followed. What? I couldn’t believe it. I could never possibly convey in words what I have been through. I don’t even know if the words exist. Something that drug on for years was changed with some simple knowledge. I told my new friend today in a text that “it’s funny what knowledge can change in the heart and mind.” Her response was “very true”. The knowledge given to me, to him, was life changing. Comments in a blog were life changing. A blog was life changing. It all still seems surreal.
The next time you question whether to include your comment…comment away. You never know whose life you may be impacting. Considering starting a blog to deal with something…start. You may not only change your own life, but someone else’s.
My husband reached over last night while he was sleeping and took my hand. And it was all because of what you’re reading right now.