About a year ago my daughter was inducted into the National Honor Society. Today is the day she is doing the inducting for the Junior Class. On a day that I should have been not only proud, but happy, it was a struggle last year to even attend the event. And then, when we were walking in, my husband walked several steps ahead of me, and not with me. Had it been almost anything else, I would have turned around and walked away, but I couldn't.
It is so difficult for me to not think of what he would have done before all of this. Before this, we would have been hand-in-hand together, very proud, very happy. I guess we have come a long way in a year's time, but the bad memories do remain. My daughter will be graduating in two months, and I am already remembering my son's graduation a few years ago…something great, tainted by something bad. And I struggle every day to overcome what was and what is. Something as simple as walking into Wal-Mart gives me mental anguish.
My husband was very attentive. He always held my hand in the car. He always held my hand whenever we were walking anywhere together. Always. Our sex life was great and daily. All of those things are up in the air now. And the mere fact that this woman was able to penetrate our relationship when it was so great is just unfathomable. The theory from my friends, and from another person that I talk to, is that she was able to convince him that his life wasn't that great, that there was something wrong with his and my relationship. And even though I believe that he now realizes that, it doesn't make it any easier. I don't understand how anyone, let alone him, would jeopardize everything for someone like her.
Life is moving on, and we are moving forward, even though at times it feels like a snail's pace. Demons continue to haunt me at the most inopportune times. I want to just enjoy things again. I want to feel that pure happiness that I felt before.