Of all of the ironic ironies, it was the fact that he would get mad at ME when he got caught. A few months ago I caught him texting her. I watched him delete the text and hand me his phone……he denied that he deleted it even though I saw him do it!!! But, this was all my fault. I was the one setting us back. I was the problem. Because, you know, I should just let him text his girlfriend and be fine with it. I am the one who needs to let this go because he already has……I am the one not letting it go, and if I would let it go everything would be fine. You’re laughing right now, aren’t you? I mean, really, what other defense is there to such foolishness?
Watching someone tell such ridiculous lies that they have to know nobody in their right mind would believe is exhausting. Trying to raise a family with all of this garbage on my mind is very difficult. Trying to hide my emotions from my children is exhausting, especially since I am with them all the time. Being a mom is hard when your husband has cheated on you. It changes the dynamic of everything. Every single event in our lives is overshadowed by this other event. I honestly wonder how either one of them sleep at night knowing that they destroyed a family.
But, worse than anything really, is his lack of humility, his lack of conscience for what he has done. Either he knows and is too cold to admit it, or he has no idea what he has done. I have no idea what to think, because this man three years ago had a lot of humility and conscience. Perhaps, it’s just a true statement that one bad apple will ruin all of the others. And I wonder how many other people this woman has ruined. How many other children out there,besides mine, are suffering because of her?
Let it go he says. I would give almost anything to be able to let it go. If only he would let me let it go. But, it goes on and on because he allows it to go on and on. He allows her to continue her manipulation of him. How can someone so smart be so dumb?
I don’t trust him. He claims that this is the real problem. Huh? Trust him? How do you trust someone who has told such extravagant lies and has done absolutely nothing to correct them? I should stop spying on him, then things will be ok. Of course they would be ok, because then he could do whatever he wanted without repurcussion.
Sometimes, even I laugh. Of course this is all my fault. I shouldn’t have been spying on him.