It was my fault because I spied on him

Of all of the ironic ironies, it was the fact that he would get mad at ME when he got caught. A few months ago I caught him texting her. I watched him delete the text and hand me his phone……he denied that he deleted it even though I saw him do it!!! But, this was all my fault. I was the one setting us back. I was the problem. Because, you know, I should just let him text his girlfriend and be fine with it. I am the one who needs to let this go because he already has……I am the one not letting it go, and if I would let it go everything would be fine. You’re laughing right now, aren’t you? I mean, really, what other defense is there to such foolishness?

Watching someone tell such ridiculous lies that they have to know nobody in their right mind would believe is exhausting. Trying to raise a family with all of this garbage on my mind is very difficult. Trying to hide my emotions from my children is exhausting, especially since I am with them all the time. Being a mom is hard when your husband has cheated on you. It changes the dynamic of everything. Every single event in our lives is overshadowed by this other event. I honestly wonder how either one of them sleep at night knowing that they destroyed a family.

But, worse than anything really, is his lack of humility, his lack of conscience for what he has done. Either he knows and is too cold to admit it, or he has no idea what he has done. I have no idea what to think, because this man three years ago had a lot of humility and conscience. Perhaps, it’s just a true statement that one bad apple will ruin all of the others. And I wonder how many other people this woman has ruined. How many other children out there,besides mine, are suffering because of her?

Let it go he says. I would give almost anything to be able to let it go. If only he would let me let it go. But, it goes on and on because he allows it to go on and on. He allows her to continue her manipulation of him. How can someone so smart be so dumb?

I don’t trust him. He claims that this is the real problem. Huh? Trust him? How do you trust someone who has told such extravagant lies and has done absolutely nothing to correct them? I should stop spying on him, then things will be ok. Of course they would be ok, because then he could do whatever he wanted without repurcussion.

Sometimes, even I laugh. Of course this is all my fault. I shouldn’t have been spying on him.


24 thoughts on “It was my fault because I spied on him

  1. Now I’ve got to read back in your blog and understand WHY IS HE STILL TEXTING WITH HER???? omg!!!

    In any event, if he isn’t feeling remorse and shifting blame, that’s not good for you! I can’t imagine living with the man and knowing they still communicate. My husband does get texts from the EB/OW but his responses are yes/no, or got it – and I read all his texts on his phone – open door policy now.

    Hugs — your man has some serious explaining and owning the pain!

    1. I would also love to know why. Mostly because she tells him to grow some balls. She is vindictive and evil and knows just what to say and do to get her way. She is like a two year old. And he falls for her antics. It’s amazing to me that any man would put someone like her before his own family.

    1. bobbiejayehawkins dot wordpress dot com

      And the one she started right after her little suicide attempt, but only posted a few times

      bobbiehawkins dot wordpress dot com

      She frequently mentions how he’s stuck and loveless marriages, etc. enjoy!

      1. hahahaha – the delusion of the reality some people live in!?!


        Seriously, your hubby needs another man’s (a real man’s) perspective. Like, “Dude, what the hell are you doing? You have an amazing woman and marriage – what are you doing?” *smacks him upside his head or kicks his ass*

      2. OK, first off…she’s an author? hahahaha

        Wow, what a narcissistic woman! on both logs it’s photos of her and her looks.


        Vanity lives there, doesn’t it?

        SOOOO not impressed. Seriously — she really does fit Bat Shit Crazy to the “T”

  2. I can’t believe the karma in my coming across this page, but my husband also had an affair with this woman in 2011. I caught them in November, she and her husband separated in January. Hmmm…wonder if the copies of their emails, along with her half nude photo I recovered from his phone and then printed and mailed to her husband’s office, had anything to do with that? Or maybe she just couldn’t take the guilt anymore?

      1. I will be happy to share if you feel it will help you. Email? I’m sorry this happened to you, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It’s a shock and a betrayal, but at least for me there weren’t kids involved and the hurt is over. I almost feel bad for her b/c based on what you have written she clearly has problems and must have a pretty unhappy life that she frequently looks to other people’s husbands to fill. Apparently multiple husbands at once lol!

  3. so i Hope things are okay with you… i’ve had my share of lies from husband. but i fought for it… and eventually this blog of mine is the overAll reason how I was able to get over it and fought for what’s mine.. 🙂

    sharing to you 2 of my most loved poems that helped me move on.heheh

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