You’re probably thinking, well, I caught him, it’s over, kick him out, leave, whatever, file for divorce. That’s not what happened. It’s a little more complicated than that. Although, I should mention that I recorded him so many times that I can’t believe he wasn’t more careful. It made me wonder if he didn’t want to be caught. And, like I said, this was not him, not his character. He told me many times in so many words to help him. I can tell you that love and anger and hate can all be felt at the same time.
About a week after I initially found out, through the emails, we had a previous event planned, a bunch of people from his work……she was included. I debated us bailing on the whole thing. But, I thought, nope, not going to change my life because of this. Of course I was still thinking that he was not still involved in any way with her. So, we went. At some point along the way she texted me. I’m a pretty forgiving person, and I took it as an extension of an olive branch. I texted back. It began a bizzarre relationship between her and me. Of course, any friendly relationship with your husband’s girlfriend is bizzarre.
What started out as a few texts kept going on for months and months. It would stop here and there when I would discover him talking to her again. But, for the most part we were friends. We talked about everything. When her mom got sick, she told him first and then me. We learned to lean on each other. We became each other’s peace. And you’re surely wondering how that’s possible, but that’s what happened. We both agreed that our conversations kept us sane. And, for some unknown reason, even today, those texts are still on my phone using up valuable real estate.
How do you hate someone who loves the same person you love? I mean, I know exactly what she sees in him. I know exactly how she feels. But, calling myself normal after this isn’t really possible.
Eventually, she betrayed me. It’s not that I didn’t see it coming, it’s more that I didn’t want to see it coming. Other than my husband, this person understood me more than anyone else ever had. I told her off, called her names, ranted, etc, but inside I felt the loss of someone with whom I’d grown close. I was living in Bizzarro World.